My Mother-in-Law Offered to Babysit Her Granddaughter, but She Wants Money in Return

2 months ago

Having a child is no easy task. While in the past raising and caring for little ones was considered solely the mother’s job, this has changed over time. In households where both parents work, they must have help to keep the house in order and take care of the baby. Oftentimes, a family member can be the savior to all these problems. However, in Amy’s case, this ended up posing a dilemma for her to solve.

Hi, Amy! Thanks for your letter. We got together here at NISE and discussed your situation. These were the best tips we could come up with.

  • Try to understand why your mother-in-law asks you for payment to take care of her granddaughter. You said that she recently retired, and, according to experts, retirees are worried that their savings will dry up. This could be the reason for her request. The only way to find out is to have an open conversation, which brings us to the next point.
  • Talk to your mother-in-law. Set up an open and honest conversation and calmly and maturely tell her how you feel. Small talk can get derailed and off track, so we’ve put together a 3-step guide to keep the dialogue from turning into a fight/argument.
  • Step 1: Don’t assume your mother-in-law is going to react negatively.
  • Step 2: Say how you feel without having to justify anything. For example, say “I feel misunderstood” instead of “I feel misunderstood because you asked for this and...” By using the former, you invite your mother-in-law into an argument without forcing her to be defensive.
  • Step 3: Emphasize what you do, not what you don’t.
  • Qualified strangers or caring relatives — which would you choose? Remember that hiring a qualified babysitter is probably more expensive than what your mother-in-law would ask for. Think about how you and your husband would feel most comfortable. Also, keep in mind that your mother-in-law raised the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, so she must have done a lot of things right in terms of parenting.
  • Try looking for other solutions. A nursery has its own ups and downs, like higher costs and stress, plus it can mean more work for both parents (such as taking the baby to and from childcare). In addition, there will be days when your daughter will have to stay home, and then you will have to find someone you can count on to babysit her at the last minute.
  • Most grandparents don’t expect to be paid for babysitting, but it’s entirely reasonable to compensate for their time. Taking care of a child can be a full-time job. Feeding them, changing them, and watching over them at all times are not easy tasks, especially for the elderly.

We hope that these tips will ease your situation and that whatever happens, your relationship with your mother-in-law will only change for the better.

Who did you turn to when you needed help with your child? What would you do if a relative asked you for money in exchange for taking care of your kids?

Comments

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Diana Brock
year ago

It would cost a lot more to hire a sitter, some charge as much as 25 an hour. And they don't do dishes or clean your house. Settle on an amount and just be glad you have someone watching your kid that you can trust.

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Sarah Arianna Wheeler
year ago

I think it is absolutely RUDE of this woman to expect her mother in law to care for their daughter day in and day out without some kind of compensation. The fact that this selfish woman can’t see past her own needs, that she’s allowing it to effect her marriage, is just wrong! For a child that age, you will pay up to $400 or more a week at a daycare.

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year ago
A cleaning lady accidentally wiped away this comment.
Sharon
year ago

I think it's a lot for your mother-in-law to watch your kids full time! You should have at least offered her payment. She raised her kids! I know they are her grandkids but wow that's a huge job and goes way beyond "spending time with your grandkids" Shame on you for not thinking of her and what she is giving up to do this for you!

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Dee Mayle Hallam
year ago

No matter how much we love our grandkids, when we retire, we did not sign up for another unpaid job! Your MIL also cleans and cooks. What the heck are you complaining about? MIL is a full time sitter, house cleaner and cook. When is her time to do what she wants with her life?
You are very selfish and need to forget the "woke" idea of being "entitled!" MIL has a life beyond your family.

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Frances Small-Mcgoldrick
year ago

I retired to watch my grandkids and my kids paid me...it was a small amount and I provided food and entertainment (zoo membership & please touch museum membership) I probably spent more than what I made on the kids...at one point I had 5...the oldest was 6 or 7....I am very close to my family and still help them with their children...I have no regrets and my girls knew I was worth it

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Snow Storm
year ago

Things are different today then they were 20 or 30 years ago. The Elderly could retire and not have to worry much about finances. Cost of housing is through the roof. I think since they trust her now to take care of them why not pay her a little to help her continue. Like what others say it would be cheaper.

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Telah Thompson
year ago

I’d gladly hand over money to have my family member I trust dearly, babysit my child. I’m sure the amount is a lot less than a traditional sitter with a lot less angst. Pay the lady and be thankful you have this option.

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Tomorrow Yup
year ago

Well if that’s your mom, she do the same and ask for money too, will you give her?

You should offered your MIL at the very beginning instead of her asking you😓.

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year ago
The comment didn't pass the sanity test.
Annette Bennett
year ago

You're very lucky to have someone you trust look after your child, who also cooks, cleans the house etc....why has it taken for this women to have had to ask for payment, you should have offered!! Child care is extremely expensive and your child is in the care of a relative stranger. A housekeeper/cleaner is also expensive, and you have both rolled into one! You ate taking advantage of her kindness and have the attitude she should be grateful - I think you need to look again at your attitude - it's you and your husband who should be grateful.

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Mary Lee
year ago

Oh my goodness. Pay her! She’s retired. She raised her kids. She sounds awesome. Watching kids all day is exhausting. If she needs the money, she’ll end up resigning as your babysitter and maid to get a different job. Then your kids will be in the care of strangers. And you will have to clean and cook for yourself. And you will still have to pay. Good Lord!

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Stacy Guzman
year ago

I always told my husband we will have to care for our kids if we both work. Either have opposite schedule or something that works for us. Our parents did our job to raise us and I’m not having them help us take care of our kids. Now a days grandparents end up raising their grandchildren and don’t enjoy being a GRANDPARENT. We decided to have children. We have to raise them. Pay her and stop taking advantage of her. You’re only looking for an excuse and no one agrees with you.

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Saj
10 months ago

Well if she is trying to help you guys in need than why can’t u return the favor by helping her, after all she is an old lady. Instead of working outside she decided to work at your place so you guys get that peace of mind and she will get some money for herself, its two for one and its good she is not asking for money from your husband without giving something in return, what if it was your mother helping you sis in law and your brother, wouldn’t u want your sis in law to pay for her hard work at this age

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Cherylmarie Lundquist Armentrout
9 months ago

What is wrong with you?? I can’t believe you are upset with her when all she is asking is some money for not ONLY BABYSITTING A BABY, but is also COOKING AND CLEANING for you???? You are truly a spoiled rude little brat! You owe HER And your HUSBAND a BIG Apology!! Pay the poor woman or hire a nanny, a cleaning lady and a cook!!

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