11 Valuable Things Couples Should Remember If They Want to Stay Together

Most of you that are in committed relationships know that both sides have to devote a lot of time and effort to make things work. The moment the effort stops, that’s when the problems really begin. That’s why we thought it would be useful to gather 11 relationship tips that might help your bond thrive. Maybe some of them will work perfectly for you and your partner.

1. Small things mean more than grand gestures.

Grand, well-organized surprises may seem ultra-romantic. But it’s the frequent little gestures that truly strengthen a relationship. Aside from being harder to fake, small acts of love show consistency.

They can be as simple as writing a love note every morning, asking your partner how their day is going, or bringing home a small present that says you have been thinking of them. Your significant other will surely start feeling all the butterflies again just like when you started dating.

2. Be interested in your partner’s life, but don’t be intrusive.

Checking up on your partner means you want to see if they are doing what they are supposed to be doing or not doing what they’re not supposed to be doing. Checking in on your partner, on the other hand, means that you want to see if they are okay. Your partner will pick up on whether you have a problem trusting that they will stay faithful to you or whether you are genuinely just curious about their life. So be aware of how you word your questions about their life over there.

3. Meeting halfway is very important.

If both of you are working in a different domain or don’t share any mutual friends or interests, it can be difficult for you to find topics to talk about and maintain meaningful communication. Finding a common pillar that gives you a communication ramp can be the key to a successful relationship.

4. Don’t ignore your conflicts.

John Gottman named 4 harbingers of imminent divorce: disdain, the position of a victim, critics, and ignoring conflicts. The “4 Horseman of the Apocalypse” seems innocent at first sight, but it’s actually a very dangerous behavioral strategy in practice. Just imagine that you feel that you are ready for a hot debate on an issue that has been annoying you for quite a while and your partner suddenly stops supporting the conversation.

It might seem that spouses can manage to keep the peace by doing this, but that’s wrong. Though debates and quarrels are not the best part of communication in general, they still help you work through things. They are needed to figure out unresolved issues. If one keeps ignoring these situations, more and more frustrations go unresolved.

5. Remember that your partner isn’t perfect.

It’s easier to idealize your partner when there’s limited interaction and less face-to-face communication. When that happens, once you 2 are reunited, you’re likely to feel disappointed with how flawed your partner actually is. Some couples in long-distance relationships break up after being reunited because they think their partners are demanding or expecting too much. To avoid this, it is advisable to keep in mind that your partner is just a human being with flaws.

6. Make sure to always show gratitude.

Tell your partner how grateful you are every chance you get. You may not believe this, but these words are magical. Your partner will fell that he or she is useful, needed, and realize that you really think this way. And you will probably hear the words “thank you” more, not just for something big, but even for the normal things.

7. Don’t be negative towards your partner’s friends.

Scientists analyzed the relationship of 373 couples, over 16 years of marriage. It turned out that 46% of couples had divorced by their 16th year of the marriage, and oftentimes the husband’s criticism of his wife’s friends in the first year of their marriage predicted that break in the future.

According to scientists, this is due to the fact that relationships between women and their friends, which are characterized by emotional closeness and support, last longer, while male friendship more often depends on joint activities. Accordingly, it is easier for men to change the circle of their communication and more difficult to come to terms with their wife’s friends, who they find unpleasant.

8. Don’t speculate what your partner might be thinking.

Don’t try to read between the lines when your partner tells you something neutral or even nice. This way you are escalating a non-existent conflict. Or a conflict that only exists in your head. Don’t speculate in any situation, just ask your partner directly about what they really meant.

9. Set some ground rules and be honest with each other.

Couples should create clear expectations and intentions so that there will not be a lot of misunderstandings. However, rules shouldn’t be something that are written as a list of what to do and what not to do. Instead, you should discuss your values and avoid dangerous situations, like having someone else over to your place when your partner isn’t around. Having honest communication will help your relationship be successful in fighting against the odds.

10. Maybe you need to get a bigger bed.

Spouses should sleep separately or on a very wide bed for their mental and physical health, to get good sleep, and for a healthy environment in the family. Scientists studying sleep problems have found that 30-40% of couples sleep in different beds. And that’s actually good because poor quality sleep can lead to divorce. Therefore, if you want to keep your relationship strong, make sure you sleep well.

11. See and make use of the benefits of living apart.

Being away from each other does not have to be seen as something bad. Reframing your mind to look at the benefits of living apart can make a long-distance relationship carry equal or even more trust and satisfaction than when couples are physically close. You can take advantage of the time being geographically separated to do activities your partner is not interested in or physically allergic to. You can even do all the things that you know are their pet peeves!

Relationship signs are everywhere and some of them might show that your bond is as strong as a rock. But it might never be like this if you go into marriage without discussing some very important issues.