He Left Me Pregnant and Alone — And I Refuse to Accept Him Now

Relationships between separated parents can be complicated. Imagine a father who has been absent for years suddenly wanting to be part of his child’s life. A mother reached out asking for advice on how to handle this moment. Here, we suggest guidance to navigate this delicate situation calmly and thoughtfully.

When the past shows up at the door

Hello, NISE!

I am a single mother with an 8-year-old daughter. She’s never had contact with her father — he abandoned us when I was pregnant. One day she came home from school and said she had a “note from her dad”. I quickly took it and was shocked when read what was written—"Daughter, forgive me. I want to see you, explain what happened, and do my role as a father. Call me at + phone number."

I thought it was outrageous. I asked her to explain who had given it to her, and she said it was the school gardener, who told her a man had asked him to deliver it.

I went to the school to ask the gardener for clarification, but that was all the information he had. So I decided to call the phone number on the note. My heart started racing when I heard my daughter’s father’s voice. It was really him. Eight years later.

He apologized over and over and said that at the time, he ran away out of fear of responsibility. He was immature, and his mother was against him taking on the role of a father because it could interfere with his studies. Today, he is a successful businessman and said he had been trying to find us. He eventually searched for my name on social media and found my open profile, where there were photos of our daughter in her school uniform, which was enough for him to know where to find her.

After being very angry with him and demanding explanations, I calmed down, keeping in mind that what matters most is our daughter’s well-being. Having her father present physically and emotionally, and receiving financial support, would be very good for her. Still, deep down, I feel angry about the abandonment. I don’t want to see him in person, but I know it will be inevitable, and I’m afraid he might disappear again. How should I deal with this situation? I need advice.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes real strength to navigate your feelings while protecting your daughter’s well-being. Here’s what we suggest:

Prioritize your child’s emotional well-being

Your daughter’s feelings and sense of security should come first. Even if you still feel anger or hurt toward her father, try not to let it overshadow her relationship with him. Create a consistent and safe routine that helps her feel supported while exploring her connection with her dad. This stability will help her navigate complex emotions and grow more confident in both parents’ presence.

Take it slow with rebuilding trust

You are not obligated to forgive or fully trust him right away. It’s okay to start small, observing if he is consistent, reliable, and genuinely committed to your daughter. Set clear boundaries, communicate your expectations, and allow time for actions—not just words—to guide your decisions. This gradual approach protects your emotions and gives him the opportunity to prove his intentions.

Communicate openly with your daughter

Encourage your daughter to share her feelings, questions, and worries about her father. Listen actively and answer honestly, but avoid involving her in adult conflicts or emotional tension. Help her understand that she can love both parents safely, even if you and her father are working through difficult emotions. Open dialogue builds trust and resilience in her emotional development.

Consider professional support

Family therapy can provide a neutral space for your daughter and you to navigate emotions safely. A professional can guide discussions about boundaries, co-parenting expectations, and how to manage feelings of anger, fear, or uncertainty. Therapy can also help plan safe, gradual introductions or meetings with her father, ensuring that your daughter feels secure and supported throughout the process.

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