I Don’t Want to Create a Joint Account with My Fiancé After Knowing the Harsh Truth

Handling your own money can be a daunting task sometimes, let alone handling money as a couple. One of our readers shared her story about her fiancé wanting to combine their money into a joint account, an idea she isn’t excited about. She would like to keep their money separated, but it turns out her fiancé is struggling financially.

You can read her letter below:

Thank you for sharing this challenging topic! Deciding between joint and separate finances in a relationship can be tough, indeed. However, stay calm because we’ve provided some tips that you might find helpful for your situation.

Discuss openly about finances, don’t be judgmental.

Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your fiancé about finances. Make it as honest and calm as possible. You can open the discussion by saying, “It takes trust and transparency to build a future together as a couple. Therefore, we need to be on the same page, financially speaking.” Don’t forget to ask him about how he could get to this point of having zero balance in his account, if it has something to do with his savings and spending habits.

Instead of focusing on your disappointment, try to understand his perspective—maybe he’s never been taught proper financial management or has faced unexpected challenges. This sets the stage for a productive conversation where you can work together rather than against each other.

Set financial goals together.

As a couple, you need to create shared financial goals. To do so, please take time to sit down together and define what you both want for your future together, like saving for a home, paying off debts, or saving money for emergencies. Then, break everything down into actionable steps, such as creating a budget or setting savings targets.

This allows you and your fiancé to understand that financial planning is about partnership, not just individual responsibility. Also, setting financial goals together may help rebuild trust in your relationship and ensure you’re both on the same page.

Ask your fiancé to be responsible for his own finances.

Of course, it is normal if you feel like you want to support him. However, it’s important that he starts taking responsibility to fix and improve his finances. Ask him to start saving his money and paying off debts. Offer him doable steps, like setting up an automatic savings plan or cutting back on unnecessary expenses.

In addition, you might want to recommend financial counseling or resources to allow your fiancé to learn better money management. If he takes his own responsibility for his finances, you may feel less worried about your financial condition as a couple.

Be aware of any financial imbalances.

In any relationship, if one partner makes more money than the other, whereas the other partner makes less or does not even work at all, it can lead to financial imbalances. The working or wealthier partner might worry about their income and spending of a couple, while the non-working or less wealthy partner might feel financially inadequate.

Therefore, it is important to openly discuss any concerns over your financial situation and how to tackle them together.

Trusting someone with money may not be very easy, especially if a family is involved. In another article, you can find a story from our reader whose adult daughter keeps asking for money from her parent to help her with baby supplies, while she indulges herself in personal luxuries.