I Finally Confronted My MIL, But I Was Not Ready For Her Reaction

Relationships with mothers-in-law are a painful topic for many women. This story is yet another confirmation of that. A young woman endured her mother-in-law’s antics for 11 years, and when she finally decided to stand up to her, everything went completely differently than she had hoped.

She explained what happened.

My husband and I are in our early 30s, married for a few years but together for 11. Throughout this time we often argued due to my ILs behavior, specifically MIL.

There are many examples I could make, but to sum it up she has been controlling not only to my husband but also to me, even going as far as pressuring my husband to make me do what she wanted regarding situations that didn’t concern her at all, disrespectful towards me, overall invasive and demanding. You name it. The only thing she has not done is directly insult me to my face.

I kept telling my husband I was over their behavior and to put a stop to it, but he never really acted decisively, so MIL never really stopped.

Time after time I would put up a happy front and bite my tongue not to cause drama, but because everything just keeps piling up, I’m always on the verge of blowing up whenever I’m around them. I told my husband I’d like to limit contact at least for a while, but he insists we go visit. My husband is also aware of how much I’m affected by this.

Anyway, we meet up and MIL starts with her usual antics, I stay quiet until I’ve had enough and start talking back to her. I did not insult her, but I wouldn’t let anything slide like I usually do and highlighted every inappropriate or invasive comment. She is surprised and asks me what came onto me, I never acted like this, and so on.

In a fit of rage (I wasn’t yelling, and I spoke calmly and slowly, but my emotional state was crystal clear, you couldn’t mistake it for a lighthearted remark) I told her she’s been disrespecting me for years and this is what she’s getting now, and she made her bed so she should just lay in it.

Things got tense and we left. I’m upset but finally feel liberated for standing up for myself, my husband seems torn, and MIL is obviously livid. My husband has now said that he agrees and understands my emotional state on the matter but also wants to keep the peace and just apologize.

I refused and said I would only be open to revisit the relationship if I see some change and effort to at least be cordial and mutually respectful, and I absolutely will not apologize for anything I said because I mean it and would do it again. I reminded him that he had many chances to stand up to them and that I also said no one involved would enjoy it if I had to stand up for myself, and he never took me seriously. I also said I never insulted her or yelled at her, so apologizing for my reaction to her comments sounds incredibly backward.

People stood on her side.

• Individuals who possess traits like you describe your MIL are generally unchangeable in their behavior — and so, in that regard, it would make no difference what your husband said to her. To expect otherwise will end in disappointment. What you expect of your husband’s behavior is a different matter, but that you appreciate some of the difficulty of his calling her out on anything does help matters. It potentially is more far-reaching than you may think, and that’s why it is quite important for you to look into the subject (toxic/narcissistic behaviors and effects) to understand fully what you’re dealing with. And from there be able to make informed decisions about how to proceed. © goldenRosie89 / Reddit
• I’m in a similar dynamic with my MIL and husband. I don’t think you have rose-colored glasses on. I think your husband does. Spending his whole life under her thumb and with everyone else in reach under her thumb or pushed out, he has trouble conceptualizing any other reality. He loves her (as any normal person lives with their mother) and wants her in his life, and the situation feels like if she doesn’t get her way, his world will implode. All he knows is everyone bending to her will. He seems to be afraid of accepting reality because he knows how his mother reacts to people with backbones. He’ll get there, but therapy or couples counseling might help. He might be experiencing enmeshment, or she might be a narcissist or both. © DrakanaWind / Reddit

• Your husband needs therapy to recognize how bad his mother really is. Meanwhile, just stop going to see her. If he wants to go, then you can have the house to yourself. But I see no reason for you to put yourself in her presence and be spoken to that way. Finally, you will have to decide if you want to stay in this marriage if your husband never grows a set. © Aylauria / Reddit
• So he betrayed you. He promised, and then he is acting as a fawning pawn to Mommy dearest. The boy needs to grow a pair and learn to back you up. He wants you to apologize!?!?!? Why are you tolerating his disrespect to you??? Let him be a wet washcloth to mommy, and find someone who’s already an adult and respects you. He will ALWAYS want you to apologize to the wicked woman. How can you ever want intimacy with that pathetic of a boy? © benfranklin-greatBk / Reddit
• When my mother-in-law crossed a boundary or was rude, we just left and wouldn’t come back for at least a week. If she did it again then it was 2 weeks then 4 etc. She did catch on. You can’t reason with unreasonable people. So we didn’t waste our time trying to argue or have conversations with her. © Old_Ad3257 / Reddit

Here’s the story of another woman who confronted her mother-in-law, only to discover that the real cause of the conflict was her husband, who had lied to her.