I Won’t Let My Family Humiliate Me Just Because I’m Poor

Money has a way of stirring up tension in relationships, especially when it involves family, gifts, and expectations. Some people can brush aside financial differences, while others let money dictate how they treat the people around them. These situations often lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and tough choices. One of our readers recently shared a story that highlights just how tricky these dynamics can get—and raises big questions about fairness, respect, and where the line is when trying to teach someone a lesson.

Dylan’s letter:

So my in-laws surprised us with a trip to Fiji for my wife’s 30th birthday. On the plane, I noticed she and our kid were chilling in first-class while I was stuck in economy. She leaned over and whispered, “Dad says he’s not your ATM.” I just smiled and thought, okay, noted.

Then we landed, and chaos ensued. At check-in, my wife froze. “There’s no reservation under your name,” the clerk said. That’s because I had quietly canceled the 5-star hotel booking and rebooked us in a modest motel instead.

I turned to her and said, “If your dad isn’t my ATM, that’s fine. I paid for this myself. You’re my wife—you’ll deal with it.” Her jaw legit dropped.

The next five days were... fun. She and our kid kept whining about the “tiny room” and “uncomfortable beds,” while I was totally fine—sipping coffee on the porch, enjoying the view, secretly loving that I didn’t have to tiptoe around entitlement for once. I even low-key laughed when she tried to Instagram the place, filters and all, and it still screamed “budget motel.”

Now we’re back, and she still says I turned her birthday into a nightmare and had no right to ruin her parents’ gift. Maybe I went too far? But honestly, I just wanted to teach her a lesson about expectations and gratitude.

— Dylan

Hi Dylan! We’re glad you shared your story. Here’s some advice to help you work through this sensitive situation.

• Talk about money upfront. If the trip is being paid for by relatives, don’t leave financial stuff until the last minute. Discuss ahead of time who’s covering what and which expenses are included. This helps avoid awkward surprises and comments like, “Dad isn’t your ATM.” Clear expectations around money reduce stress and disappointment for everyone.
• Set expectations. If your spouse or kids are used to luxury, talk about the type of trip in advance. Go over what’s acceptable and what’s not. This helps avoid whining and fights over small things. Clear expectations make the whole trip more relaxed for everyone.
• Don’t be afraid to take control. If someone is spoiled or expects everything to be perfect, sometimes you need to make the decisions. Even if it means changing the hotel or picking a more budget-friendly option. This kind of “lesson” can help your family appreciate what they have. Just do it confidently, without being mean.

• Make reasonable compromises. You can go for cheaper options while still keeping things comfortable. No need to deprive anyone of basic comfort—just balance teaching a lesson with taking care of your family. Sometimes a simple room in a great location is way more enjoyable than a fancy but cramped or stressful hotel. Compromise is key to keeping everyone reasonably happy.
• Learn to enjoy the simple things. Not everything in life has to be five-star. Small pleasures—like an ocean view from a balcony, a walk on the beach, or a quiet dinner—can be more enjoyable than luxury. Focus on experiences, not material things. This helps keep your mood up and makes the trip genuinely relaxing.
• Keep a sense of humor. If someone starts complaining about little things, try to laugh it off. A little sarcasm or a joke can defuse tension and save your sanity. It lets you see the situation differently and prevents small issues from turning into full-blown arguments. Laughing helps you stay in control and actually enjoy the trip.

Unfortunately, money fights in families are all too common. Here’s the story of another reader, who got into a serious argument with her sister over money.