My DIL Told Me to Pay for Used Toilet Paper — Even Though I Babysit for Free

Family support should come from love, not invoices. Yet some daughters-in-law manage to turn simple acts of help into financial transactions. Imagine a grandparent, already providing free childcare, being asked to pay for basic household items while watching their own grandchildren. It’s the kind of behavior that makes people stop and ask: what happened to simple gratitude?

Here’s Joan’s story:

Hi Now I’ve Seen Everything,

Whenever I babysit my grandkids, my DIL insists that I pay for the toilet paper I use. “This isn’t a free hotel!” she barked once, while my son stood by, saying nothing. I just smiled, handed her the money, and let it go. But when they left for their weekend getaway, I decided to handle things my own way.

I ordered pizza for the kids and me, then had a full grocery delivery — snacks, drinks, and everything we could possibly need. By the time they returned Sunday evening, their fridge and pantry were overflowing with fresh, high-quality food — all paid for by me.

The look on her face when she opened the refrigerator was priceless. I hadn’t just covered what we’d eaten; I’d filled their kitchen with premium brands and organic options she never buys. The kids were thrilled too, happily munching on their favorite snacks — the very ones their mom usually calls “too expensive.”

My son looked embarrassed but said nothing. And really, what could he say without admitting how ridiculous his wife was being? The kids kept thanking me and asked if I’d do it again next time.

I saved every receipt and left them neatly on the counter with a note explaining what I’d spent on “not being a freeloader.” It turned out to be more than they usually spend on groceries in an entire month.

She hasn’t said a word about charging me since, though I can tell she’s still annoyed. Meanwhile, the kids light up when I come over because they know I’ll bring something special — and honestly, that makes me happy.

I adore my grandchildren, but I shouldn’t have to pay for toilet paper when I’m babysitting for free. This whole situation showed me just how petty my DIL can be. Now I’m torn about how to stay close to my grandkids without letting her behavior get in the way.

Please help,
Joan

Dear Joan, thank you for sharing your clever way of handling such an unreasonable situation. Your response was absolutely perfect — it addressed her demands while subtly revealing how absurd they were. We hope our advice helps you feel more confident as you navigate your family dynamics moving forward.

• Don’t enable the controlling behavior. Your grocery solution was clever, but constantly giving in to unreasonable demands — like paying for toilet paper — only encourages more of the same. Sometimes it’s better to decline babysitting than to keep jumping through hoops for someone who doesn’t appreciate your help.
  You don’t have to accept ridiculous rules just to see your grandchildren, and standing up for yourself might actually improve the whole family dynamic.
• Don’t let money games dictate your relationships. When someone turns family visits into financial transactions, it’s often a way to assert control or create distance. Your response was brilliant — it met her demands while making it clear just how absurd they were.

• Look for other ways to spend time with your grandkids. If going to their house gets too complicated or costly, try meeting somewhere else — playgrounds, cafes, or your place. Taking the children out gets you away from her space and lets you enjoy time together without the tension.
  Meeting on neutral ground often changes the whole vibe and stops petty disputes about what you can or can’t do in their home.
• Don’t take the bait when she tries to stir up conflict. People who make petty rules and unreasonable demands often crave an emotional reaction so they can cast you as the difficult one. Stay calm and keep responding with the same quiet practicality you showed with the grocery delivery.
  When you refuse to give them the drama they’re looking for, they usually lose interest in the power game. Your calm smile and thoughtful response likely frustrated her far more than any argument ever could.

Weddings, meant to unite and celebrate, can quickly turn into a stage for old grudges and buried tensions. In a moment, a single glance or word can spark long-suppressed emotions. What should have been a joyful day for our reader instead spiraled into conflict and strained relationships.