My DIL Wanted to Use My Retirement Cruise as a Babysitting Service — I Gave Her a Reality Check

Our longtime reader Joan shared a story about a family clash when her daughter-in-law tried to turn her long-awaited retirement cruise into a free babysitting trip. But Joan wasn’t so easy to push around. Read on to find out how she handled it and what happened next.

Here’s Joan’s story:

"Hi Now I’ve Seen Everything,

So, I’m 67, recently retired, and have three grandkids aged 6, 4, and 2. For over two years, I’d been planning a solo cruise as a retirement gift to myself. I carefully chose the ship, the route, the excursions, the dates — every detail. This was my big moment, something just for me, before starting the next chapter of my life.

Everything was booked and paid for, and I was counting down the days.

Then, out of the blue, my son got a big promotion at work — great news — but it came with a month-long overseas assignment. Suddenly, my daughter-in-law was panicking at the thought of being alone with the kids for an entire month.

She calls me up with this whole sweet speech about how she’d love to go with me on the cruise to “share the joy” and “celebrate my retirement,” and also if I could just help a little with the kids on the ship so she could relax and “soak it in” too.

I smiled, said, “Of course, how lovely that would be.” So I guess she immediately started looking at cabins and kid packages and kids clubs, etc. Then I called the cruise line and moved my trip one month later. Same ship, same route, just different date.

The day before my original departure, my daughter-in-law showed up at my house, bags packed and kids buzzing with excitement. I sat her down and explained that I’d moved my trip because it didn’t feel right to sail off while she was stressed and alone. Instead, I invited her to stay with me for the month.

She looked confused. Then I handed her a list of tasks — like getting quotes to repaint my living room, scheduling a deep clean, buying new curtains, and things like that.

Told her, “Since you really wanted to share my joy, you can help me prep my house for this long-awaited cruise, while I look after the kids.” So she gets a break and I get my house ready. Win-win. She did not look thrilled.

My son, when he heard about it later, just said, “Mom, that was kind of genius, but I anticipate a big storm between you and Hailey now.” My daughter-in-law has been very cold with me since.

So, people, did I go too far by changing my plans and making her share in my joy this way?"

Thank you, Joan, for sharing your story with us.

The issue of people taking advantage of someone’s time, kindness, and willingness to help resonates deeply with many. It’s even more complicated when it happens within a family, where cutting ties or setting firm boundaries isn’t always an option.

We’d like to offer a few practical tips to help you navigate the situation with your daughter-in-law and hopefully ease the tension after your well-played move.

Involve your son in the conversation, speaking calmly and clearly.

Have a casual, calm conversation with your son when things aren’t heated. Share what happened without drama — just the facts and how it made you feel. Be clear you’re not asking him to take sides, but that his awareness and support could make a big difference. Often, simply knowing he’s in the loop changes how your daughter-in-law approaches things going forward.

Extend a small olive branch — but set clear boundaries.

You can soften the current tension by inviting your DIL for something small and specific: lunch, a short visit, no kids involved. Keep it light, but set a subtle tone that your time is yours now. If she brings up future help, gently say, “Let’s all talk together with [your son] and figure out what makes sense.” It keeps communication open but reminds her you’re not the fallback plan.

Establish a new “team” dynamic.

Present future help as a team effort — not an obligation — between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law. You might say, “Let’s figure out how to support each other in a way that works for everyone.” This approach eases the pressure on you as the default solution and gently reminds them that parenting is their responsibility, not yours.

It’s a blessing when relatives care for our kids without asking for money, especially during busy work times. But is it fair to expect this help from our parents, given the issues we’ve had with them?