My Terminally Ill Mother Wanted to Move In, but I Said No — She Left Me First

Our reader’s estranged mother, terminally ill, suddenly asks to move back in. She refuses — but the situation quickly escalates, drawing in the police. Read her story to see how she plans to handle this difficult ordeal.

My mom left me for another man when I was 11, so my dad raised me alone. Now I’m 29, my dad’s gone, and the house is mine. Last week, my mom called out of nowhere. Said she was terminally ill and wanted to “fix things” and wanted to move back into my house. She added, “It would mean a lot to stay in the home I raised you in.” I refused and told her, “You didn’t raise me. You left.” She cried and said I was being cruel. That I’m her only child.

I didn’t think much of it until yesterday. The police showed up at my door and told me a neighbor had called. They said there was an unresponsive woman on my front steps. It was my mom. She’d been out there for hours, her bags still beside her. They think she collapsed from exhaustion or maybe from the meds she stopped taking.

Now she’s in the hospital. They asked if I was her emergency contact. I said no. I felt a pang of guilt. But I’ve spent more years grieving a living mother than most people spend grieving after one dies. I’m not opening my door to someone who closed it on me first.

Does that make me heartless?

Piper

Dear Piper, you’re not heartless.

What you’re experiencing is a complicated emotional situation shaped by years of grief and abandonment. Your reaction to your mother’s return is rooted in self-preservation, and it’s completely understandable. You’ve spent years grieving the loss of the mother who left, and now her sudden reappearance demands something that feels out of place — care she failed to provide herself. The care every child deserves.

So, how is it possible to navigate this situation without feeling guilty or pressured into something that doesn’t feel right?

• You don’t have to shut the door entirely, but you can set clear boundaries. If your mother reaches out again, gently explain that while you understand her situation, you’re unable to provide the care she needs. Let her know that your home and emotional capacity are already stretched. This way, you show empathy without compromising your own well-being.
• Recognize that you don’t owe your mother the responsibility of caregiving, especially after the way she abandoned you. You are not obligated to take her back into your life, even if guilt tries to push you in that direction. Acknowledge that choosing not to open the door to her is about protecting your emotional space, not about being cold-hearted.
• If you still feel conflicted about fully shutting her out, explore options where you can help from a distance. This might mean contacting a social worker or healthcare provider to ensure she has access to proper care. You could offer help in more neutral ways, such as arranging medical support or connecting her with a local shelter, without directly inviting her into your home. This can give you peace of mind that you’re not abandoning her while maintaining your boundaries.

There’s no need to rush your decision. Take the time you need to process the emotions that arise now that your mother has returned to your life. This is an overwhelming situation, and it’s perfectly okay to pause and reflect — especially as you’re navigating both grief and the urgent pressure of her health.

By recognizing your feelings and responding in a way that feels authentic to you, you can approach this situation with compassion — not only for your mother but for yourself as well.

Our other reader, a 29-year-old woman living with a disability, shared a moving letter that will touch even the hardest hearts. Abandoned by her mother at the age of 9, she spent years aching from the pain of betrayal. When they finally reunited, she took the chance to teach her mother a lesson she would never forget.