The Son Was Ashamed of Me and Said: ’I don’t want people to think we came together’, so I Repaid Him in the Same Manner

Raising a teenager can push even the most composed parents to their limits. One moment you cradle a precious child in your arms, and the next, you’re faced with an adolescent who shies away from your presence. Such was the predicament faced by a determined parent who refused to let her son’s embarrassment deter her. Seeking solace and guidance, she turned to the realm of social media in search of advice on tackling this intricate issue head-on.

Dealing with a teenager’s anger can undoubtedly present its fair share of challenges. However, it’s crucial to remember that you are rarely the root cause of their frustrations. Your child’s embarrassment does not reflect your eccentricity or perceived “weirdness.” The adolescent phase entails a natural process of detachment, where a sense of apathy towards various aspects, including parents, often emerges. Such emotional shifts are considered normal and should be approached with understanding.

If you find yourself navigating through the challenging territory of child embarrassment, consider the following strategies that may offer some assistance:

• Don’t take it personally. Though it may occasionally sting, remind yourself that adolescence is a tumultuous period, and such behavior is a natural component of it. It’s crucial to recognize that this conduct is not a reflection of your worth or character.
• Avoid conflict. While it is typical for parents to desire respectful communication from their children, there may be instances where they express themselves using undesirable language. However, it is important to resist the urge to reprimand them for their words immediately and instead consider ending the conversation.
  
  For instance, if you inquire about your son’s untidy room and he responds with elevated language, it is advisable to avoid fixating on his response. Instead, redirect the focus by stating something along the lines of, “I asked why you haven’t cleaned your room. Your access to your cell phone will be restricted until it’s tidy.” By doing so, you prevent the discussion from spiraling into a conflict over appropriate language and maintain the primary objective of ensuring compliance with your request.

• Give them attention and affection on their own terms. Engaging with teenagers can present its fair share of challenges, and paradoxically, the more effort you put into getting closer, the more they may resist. However, granting them some autonomy can be a beneficial approach to fostering a stronger connection. Adolescents often crave a sense of control, so consider expressing your desire to spend time with them and then allow them to determine the specifics, such as when and where. By offering them this level of choice, you make the prospect of spending time together more appealing and increase the likelihood of them willingly joining you.
• Talk to other parents. To navigate through this new phase, seeking support from fellow parents who can share their experiences and offer guidance can prove invaluable. Connecting with others who have walked a similar path can provide not only valuable insights but also a sense of camaraderie. Moreover, they may help you find moments of humor in the midst of challenging situations, fostering a lighter perspective as you navigate this journey together.
• Remember how you felt at that age. Engaging in empathy can assist you in understanding your child’s perspective and realizing that their actions are not directed personally toward you. It’s essential to remember that during adolescence, it’s common for young individuals to view their friends as cool and wise, while perceiving their parents as embarrassing or out of touch. Reflecting on your own experiences during that age can serve as a helpful reminder of this universal dynamic.

• Adapt to the change in your relationship. It can be hard to accept that your relationship with your child has changed. Around this age, young people prefer to spend time with their friends. And sometimes, they tend to reject their parents to establish connections with people their own age. However, they will continue to ask for help, for example, getting from one place to another, but may not want to be escorted out of the car.
  
  This can be confusing, but you must understand that it is their way of saying, “I need you, but it’s hard to admit it, especially when I’m with my friends, so I’ll pretend I don’t like you.” So, just accept their independence and look for ways to spend time together by suggesting activities you both enjoy. Just don’t pressure them.

Teenagers have to grapple with transformations. During this challenging period, their bodies and personalities undergo significant changes. It is crucial for all parents to keep this in mind.