17 Children Who Did Not Hesitate With Their Creative Responses to Adults

Children are spontaneous and brutally honest, so spending time with them can be anything but pure boredom. Over and over again, our children, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren say something worthy of a comedy show. And sometimes, they can also make us blush or laugh out loud with some scandalous comment.

• I was getting my son ready for kindergarten. He asked me:
  — “Mom, when does the weekend start?”
  — “The day after tomorrow, why?”
  — “Because the weekend is the most beautiful place in the world.”
  Oh, son, you’ve understood the essence of life. © Angarchanka / Pikabu
• There was a ship in the playground, and some 5- or 6-year-olds were playing pirates. We overheard a dialogue with our 4-year-old daughter, who had just approached them.
  — “Who are you?” asked our daughter Maria.
  — “We are pirates and we don’t let anyone on our ship!” answered the other kids.
  — “You are pirates? Then I am your captain!” And without hesitation, she climbed up to the helm. The children were shocked, but they got a captain. © Doctor.Goodman / Pikabu

• Me: I go to the market to buy free-range chicken and organic zucchini, and I make the world’s most tender meatballs with cream.
  My son: “Yuck, mom, I’m not eating those meatballs, they stink!”
  Me too: I buy the last, ugliest piece of frozen meat at a random store near the house and just stick it in the slow cooker.
  My son: “Mom, this is delicious! Thank you! Can I have some more?” © Anxious cake / Bright Side
• My 5-year-old brother came into the kitchen for breakfast. My mother had prepared porridge, but he grimaced and went to the refrigerator. He opened it and hid behind the door. After checking its contents for a couple of seconds, he peeked out:
  — “What, no chops left?”
  — “No.”
  He stopped to think about the answer and went back inside. Then he asked again:
  — “No sausages either?”
  — “No.”
  He then started to move something in the freezer. And this time with palpable sorrow in his voice, he said:
  — “And the bacon?”
  — “No, no bacon either.”
  My brother slammed the refrigerator door shut with a bang and shouted, angry and distressed:
  — “What, there aren’t even bones in this house?!” © BaronessaJac / Pikabu

• When I was in 2nd grade, we had to create newspapers about our dads, their occupations, and what we loved about them for Father’s Day. My best friend’s dad was a volunteer firefighter and it was much less abstract to a 7-year-old than my father’s occupation: a lawyer. I kept asking my mom, “What does Dad do?” but she couldn’t explain it in terms that a 7-year-old would understand. Finally, I said, “What does he sell to people?” and she said, “Well, he sells...services, I guess?” And so, my newspaper got printed proudly stating that my dad “sells services.” © i-hope-it-lands / Reddit
• I was with my children in a supermarket where I am a regular and everyone knows me. There were a lot of people and, suddenly, my youngest, who was 5 years old at the time, shouted at the top of his lungs, “Buy me something, I can’t keep eating the same cakes I’ve been eating for three weeks!” There was absolute silence in the supermarket and everyone started to look for that bad mother. I laughed nervously explaining that I didn’t feed him pies at all. Later, I asked him, “Why did you decide to yell about the pies?” And my son told me, “It was a joke.” © Larisa Ivanovna / Bright Side
• I used to play a game with my niece where I would chase her around and tickle her as the “Tickle Monster.” I told her that she couldn’t get her tickles back because I kept them in my belly. Without missing a beat, she goes, “Is that why you’re so big?” Absolutely destroyed by an 8-year-old. © futuregravvy / Reddit

• My 4-year-old daughter and I pretend to write notes on our hands so that we can blow kisses to pass the note to each other. Once, I wasn’t having a great day and got upset with her when I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair to her and she got worked up and cried. Ten minutes later, I watched her from the corner of my eye as she wrote a pretend note on her hand from across the room, blew me a kiss, and quietly said, “I love you even when we are sad.” Good luck convincing me that these kids can’t see the big picture. © Unknown author / Reddit
• I’m a 5th-grade teacher. The best is that kids are allowed to bring treats for birthdays. One student brought in cupcakes. After passing them out, she asked if she had missed anyone. I said, “Oh, yeah, your favorite teacher,” as I did not get one. She looked me dead in the eyes and replied, “No, I gave Mrs. Warren (her 4th-grade teacher) one at lunch.” When I turned around, there was one on my desk. She gave me a big hug and told me I was her new favorite. © thirdtimer_2020 / Reddit

• One of my students this year said, “Want to know a fun fact? Tall people get rained on first.” I thought about it for a few seconds and then burst into laughter. My other students were wondering what was so funny, but, at that moment, I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m also the type of person that laughs easily at most things © frozen_is_awesome1 / Reddit
• Kid: “Why don’t you dye your hair? Your face looks like a teenager but your gray hair makes you look old.”
  Me: “I don’t like the chemicals or how often you have to do it. Besides, I think it makes me look like Rogue from X-Men.”
  Kid: “More like Cruella de Vil.” © borgcubecubed / Reddit
• I would jokingly tell a student his writing looked like chicken scratches, and he would tease me about my age. One day he asked, “What was school like in Pangea?” Another day it was “What color were the dinosaurs really?” I hope that kid got to be a chef like he wanted to. © redheadalmostdead / Reddit

What memorable and witty phrases have you ever heard your children, nieces, nephews, or grandchildren say?