An 85-Year-Old Woman Wrote a Poignant Letter to People Who Are Hesitant About Whether to Have Children or Not

Having children or remaining child-free is a complex decision for many people. Many couples fear that they might regret not having children in the future. An 85-year-old widow, who lived a long life with her husband without having children, wrote an open letter specifically to those who are unsure about whether they want children or not.

A letter to young people who don’t want kids

Dear young people:

I was married for just over 50 years. We bucked the norm and did not want kids. In those days, we would say, “We’re trying,” for a while, and then, “We can’t have kids,” end of discussion. It was our little secret and nobody’s business. If we were honest and said, “We cannot have kids because we just don’t want them,” the fallout with family and friends would have been tough for us.

Our 50 years, in a nutshell, were perfect. We had good jobs, no money worries, and followed our own interests and hobbies. If I could go back in time, would I do it again? 100% yes. I would live the same life one thousand times.

This is my humble observation:

• GROUP A: They have kids, have a great life, and all is perfect. I know many, so it can and does happen.
• GROUP B: They have kids, it’s a hard life, and they have problems. Many wish they could have a child-free do-over.
• GROUP C: They have kids, and all is good, but then the empty nest and dwindling contact breaks their hearts.
• GROUP D: This is the child-free group — I only knew a few.

I cannot give breakdowns and percentages for all the groups. The bottom line, in my experience, GROUP D is always the happiest and most content. Of course, there are many happy people from GROUP A too.

My husband died 10 years ago. I mourned him and still miss him every day. But being child-free means this; my life was never defined by kids. I had a strong network of friends and so many hobbies. I was able to move forward. Life goes on, and I have a full and happy life and a new partner.

My friends who have lost their partners and have kids have the common problem of their kids not giving them enough time. It upsets and hurts them. They are too reliant on them. They expect “payback” for all the time and money they spent on them.

Their interests and hobbies are sometimes nonexistent because everything is/was about their kids (and grandkids). One friend said this, which I never forgot: “The empty nest thing is real, it is like being dumped by the love of your life after 2 or 3 decades, but staying friends. It is never the same.” I now have a private apartment in a “rest home,” lovely friends, full busy days, and lovely staff.

Have a nice day.

This letter has become popular on the internet, and people have started commenting on it. We decided to find out what younger people think about the revelation of this 85-year-old woman.

• Thank you for this. It’s nice to know that there are people who have disproved the “You’ll be lonely when you’re old” line of nonsense. I watched my mom have kids way too early, and it completely destroyed her prospects, leading to a poor and unstable childhood for all of us. I don’t feel particularly bad about not having kids myself, and instead focusing on building a solid life for myself so that I don’t have to go through any of that again. I’m 23, and people occasionally ask me when I’m having kids, despite my honesty from childhood in telling them all that I don’t ever want children. © ShoddyCheesecake / Reddit
• There is, of course, a group E. Those who desperately want kids but can’t have them. We all have our own wants and needs. In my 20s, I didn’t want kids, but I met a wonderful man, and we had a daughter. She has been hard work over the years, but I wouldn’t be without her. Also, without her, I would not have a lovely son-in-law or 2 wonderful grandsons! © Terry Key / Facebook
• I have no kids. Not for one second of my life have I ever wanted them. I am more than happy with all of my hobbies and the things that I do. Why bring more people into an already overpopulated world? © Owen Hall / Facebook
  

• Last Thursday, in the waiting room of the surgeon’s office, while my husband was getting his vasectomy, I met a lovely older lady who I aspire to be when I’m older. She was in her 70s, had traveled the world, ridden elephants and camels, had seen all these exotic places, looked so much younger than she was, and was just happy. She radiated it. She was talking to a younger couple that was holding an infant about how she had never had children, had never changed a diaper, and never stayed up all night with a sick or crying child. They couldn’t believe it and kept asking if she regretted it, and every time she answered with a firm no. They acted like she was lying, but it was obvious she wasn’t. © eldest123323 / Reddit
• The decision to have children is personal, but honestly, my experience has been quite the opposite of this woman’s. Everyone I know with kids seems happier and much, much more grounded and fulfilled than those who don’t. Are kids a lot of work? Yes. Are they expensive? Yes. But they also force you to grow up and give your life a purpose like you’ve never known before. © Lisa Marie Tovey / Facebook
• That’s for her, not for everyone. Most people want to have kids, and once you do, that’s the best accomplishment in life for many, many parents. You might have a great career, money, and fame, but nothing compares to your children. © Anisoara Palade / Facebook

More and more women are choosing not to become mothers. We have identified 5 reasons why the childfree lifestyle can be easier and more attractive for women compared to modern motherhood.