I Banned My MIL from Seeing My Baby — She Decided to “Teach Me a Lesson”

year ago

I Banned My MIL from Seeing My Baby — She Decided to “Teach Me a Lesson”

Postpartum sadness affects more people than we often acknowledge, with research revealing that about 80% of new parents go through it. Gretchen, a new mom, is struggling to adjust to her role and has asked for some quiet time away from others. Things took a turn for the worse when her in-laws arrived uninvited to meet the baby. Feeling overwhelmed, she reached out to us for support.

This is Gretchen’s letter:

Beth Rooker Pontious

week ago

You were out of line in not allowing your MIL to see the baby, and your husband was out of line to invite 9 people over without telling you. You could have made your point by just going back upstairs and going back to bed!

Rita Wilson

2 months ago

What is with first time mothers that they are so overwhelmed with having a baby that they have act as if it is the hardest thing in the world to do. Unless you had a C-section, women go through child birth daily and go right back to living a normal life almost immediately. Yes, I birthed two naturally. Your mother saw the new born and you were wrong to not allow your mother in law not to see her grandchild. Stop being so self centered and allow the child's father's family to participate in their life.

Suzanne Comeau

10 months ago

First of all. I get that it’s stressful with a new born. But you had YOUR mom there. Maybe you could’ve gotten the Mom‘s too alternate days or Weeks staying there to help you out his mother is just as much a grandmother as yours. and maybe you could’ve picked the time and day where you could’ve had a meet and greet with the baby instead of saying that nobody could come and visit the baby. What you need to realize is that everybody is excited to meet their new family member. I know I would be. I’m not against you. I’m more in the middle.

Ilonka Wimmer-Ljungqvist

year ago

First of all I understand how you felt BUT why storm out the door and leave your child? You would have taken your child and given it to your mother, then you would have packed your things and the child's and then left the house with your mother.
As it seems, your husband does not care about what you feel and think and how you feel. Trust me it won't get better if you don't put your foot down. He is a mama's boy and she will always be prio 1 in his eyes. and not you or your child. Time for you to set some very hard boundaries and if your husband doesn't like this then maybe it's time to re-evaluate your marriage…

Hi Gretchen! Thank you for trusting us with your experience. We’ve gathered some suggestions that may help you navigate this delicate situation.

It’s essential to prioritize self-care during this time.

As you navigate the responsibilities of motherhood, it’s important to make self-care a priority. It’s easy to overlook your own needs while caring for a newborn, but taking time for yourself is vital for your mental and emotional well-being. Look for moments in your day to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation—whether it’s indulging in a warm bath, reading a book, or enjoying a quiet cup of tea.

Be clear in communicating your boundaries.

It’s essential to convey your limits to your spouse and in-laws. Inform them that, although you value their enthusiasm for the baby, you require some time to acclimate and would like visits to be scheduled ahead of time.
Share how surprise visits can interfere with your daily life and increase your stress, affecting both your and the baby’s health. Clear communication can help avoid misinterpretations and guarantee that everyone acknowledges your need for space during this sensitive period.

It may be helpful to consider couples therapy.

The situation with your husband and his family visiting unannounced highlights a breakdown in communication and a disregard for your boundaries. It may be worth considering couples counseling to address any underlying issues and improve communication in your relationship. A trained therapist can help both of you navigate this challenging phase of parenthood, fostering better understanding and support for each other.

Build a strong support network.

Caring for a newborn is incredibly demanding, both physically and emotionally. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network for help. Whether it’s your partner, family, or close friends, don’t be afraid to delegate tasks and ask for assistance with household duties or baby care whenever possible. A strong support system can alleviate some of the stress and give you the opportunity to rest and recharge.

Carla, another young woman, reached out to us for advice after her MIL violated her privacy. In response, Carla set up a hidden camera, which ultimately revealed a troubling secret about her MIL.

Preview photo credit freepik / Freepik