My DIL Tried to Use My Grandkids to Get Money, but Karma Hit Back Harshly

Our reader Oliver is torn between his love for his grandchildren and the suspicion that his daughter-in-law may be taking advantage of him. Should he stop giving money or keep supporting them for his son’s sake? How far should parents get involved in their adult children’s lives? Read his story to find out what happens next.

Hello, Now I’ve Seen Everything,

I’m Oliver, in my 60s, and I have two wonderful grandkids whom I love deeply. Whenever they came to me asking for money for their latest “needs,” I gave it — no questions asked.

One evening, I overheard my daughter-in-law talking — probably to a friend — saying she couldn’t afford a spa day. But the very next day, after the kids had received money from me, she went anyway. That seemed off, so I decided to confront her.

I didn’t really expect to hear, “Really, it’s none of your concern. It’d be better if you didn’t try to eavesdrop on me but taught your son how to earn money instead. It’s he who never gives us enough. Sometimes I have to save for tough times, and the kids just help me get by. And sometimes I need to relax. So you want to discuss it?”

To be honest, she really shocked me. I told her it would be better if we talked openly next time, then I walked away.

Part of me feels embarrassed for my son, knowing he can’t fully provide for his family. Now, I’m unsure whether to tell him that his wife has been manipulating me or stay silent and keep helping them for his sake.

Thanks for sharing your story, Oliver! It’s clear how much you love your grandkids, and wanting to support them is completely natural. But the situation with your daughter-in-law does sound complicated. Let’s take a closer look to help you figure out the best way forward.

Decide on your role in their finances.

You’ve been generous in helping your grandkids, but it sounds like the situation is becoming more complicated. Before deciding whether to continue or change your financial support, consider these questions:

• Do you feel your help is being taken for granted or misused?
• Are there actions or behaviors that make you uncomfortable?

You don’t have to stop supporting them, but it’s important to know if your contributions are meeting real needs or simply funding a lifestyle you don’t agree with — like your daughter-in-law’s spa day.

If it feels like too much or you’re being used, it’s okay to say no or set boundaries.

Possible options:

• Financial help for kids only: “I understand you might need to relax, but I’m not responsible for that. I’m ready to help financially, but I also want to make sure that the help I provide is being used responsibly.”
• Non-financial support: If you still want to be involved, offer help in ways that don’t require money — spend time with your grandkids, provide guidance, or help in other areas where you can be supportive without financial strain.
• Let your son take responsibility: If you’ve already helped as much as you can, it’s okay to step back. Let your son and daughter-in-law figure things out on their own, especially since they are adults and have to manage their own finances. You don’t owe them endless financial help, especially if it’s creating tension.

This comes down to what you’re comfortable with and how involved you want to be in their finances. Talk to your son if it might help, but don’t feel pressured to fix everything. Your role has changed, and it’s okay to give them space while still supporting them in other ways.

From a young age, we learn that our parents sacrificed for us and giving back is expected. For many, this feels right — especially when financially stable. But what if giving starts to feel like an obligation, not love? One man believed he was honoring his parents — until a moment with his mother changed everything.