12 Valuable Ways to Avoid the Path to Divorce

In any committed relationship, it’s essential for both partners to invest time and effort to keep the bond strong. The challenges often arise when this mutual dedication wanes. To support the growth and success of your relationship, we’ve compiled a list of 12 practical tips designed to enhance your connection. These insights might resonate with you and your partner, offering valuable strategies to navigate and enrich your partnership.

1. Small things mean more than grand gestures.

Grand, meticulously planned surprises can certainly seem ultra-romantic, but it’s the small, everyday gestures that truly fortify a relationship. Unlike grand gestures, which can sometimes feel contrived, these frequent, simple acts of love demonstrate genuine, consistent affection.

These little gestures might include writing a heartfelt note each morning, checking in on how your partner’s day is going, or bringing home a thoughtful, unexpected gift that shows you’ve been thinking of them. These seemingly minor efforts can reignite those initial feelings of excitement and affection, reminding your partner of the early days of your relationship.

2. Take an interest in your partner’s life. But don’t be intrusive.

Checking up on your partner often implies monitoring their behavior to ensure they are meeting expectations or avoiding certain actions. In contrast, checking in on your partner reflects a genuine concern for their well-being and an interest in their life.

It’s important to be mindful of how you frame your inquiries. Your partner will sense whether your questions stem from a lack of trust or from a sincere desire to connect and support them. Strive to approach conversations with empathy and openness, showing that your intentions are rooted in care rather than suspicion.

3. It is very important to meet halfway.

When you and your partner work in different fields or lack shared friends and interests, maintaining engaging and meaningful conversations can be challenging. Identifying a common interest or shared experience can serve as a vital communication bridge. This common ground provides a foundation for discussions and helps foster a deeper connection. Finding and nurturing this shared pillar can significantly enhance your relationship, making interactions more enjoyable and sustaining meaningful communication.

4. Don’t be in denial about your conflicts.

John Gottman identified four key behaviors he termed the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that can signal imminent divorce: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling. While these behaviors might initially seem minor or manageable, they can become incredibly destructive over time.

Imagine you’re ready to address a longstanding issue with your partner, but they suddenly withdraw from the conversation. This might seem like a way to avoid conflict, but it’s actually counterproductive. While arguments and disagreements aren’t pleasant, they are crucial for addressing unresolved issues and working through conflicts. Ignoring these discussions only leads to accumulating frustrations and unresolved problems, which can erode the foundation of your relationship.

5. Keep in mind that your partner is not perfect.

When interactions are infrequent and face-to-face communication is limited, it’s easy to idealize your partner, viewing them through a lens of perfection. However, when you finally reunite, you might be confronted with the reality of their imperfections, leading to potential disappointment.

This disconnect is particularly common in long-distance relationships, where the idealized image of a partner can clash with the reality of living together. Some couples even face breakups upon reuniting, feeling overwhelmed by perceived demands or expectations. To navigate this, it’s important to remember that your partner is human, with their own set of flaws and imperfections. Embracing this reality can help manage expectations and foster a more realistic and enduring connection.

6. Always be thankful.

Expressing gratitude to your partner at every opportunity can have a profound impact on your relationship. These simple yet powerful words create a sense of appreciation and value, making your partner feel needed and cherished. When you regularly acknowledge their efforts and express thanks, you reinforce their significance in your life. This habit often leads to a reciprocal exchange of appreciation, where you both become more attuned to recognizing and valuing each other’s everyday contributions, not just the grand gestures.

7. Don’t be negative about your partner’s friends.

Researchers conducted a study involving 373 couples over a 16-year period and discovered that 46% of these couples had divorced by their 16th anniversary. Interestingly, the study found that husbands’ criticism of their wives’ friends during the first year of marriage was a strong predictor of future relationship breakdowns.

This dynamic is rooted in the different nature of female and male friendships. Women often form deep, emotionally supportive bonds with their friends that endure over time. In contrast, male friendships are typically based on shared activities and are more adaptable to changes. As a result, men may find it harder to accept their wife’s friends, especially if they do not find them agreeable, which can contribute to marital strain.

8. Don’t speculate about what your partner might be thinking or feeling.

Avoid overanalyzing or reading between the lines when your partner makes neutral or positive comments. Trying to find hidden meanings can create unnecessary conflicts or amplify issues that may only exist in your mind. Instead of speculating, address any uncertainties directly by asking your partner for clarification. This straightforward approach helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that any concerns are based on clear communication rather than assumptions.

9. Be honest with each other and set some ground rules.

Couples benefit greatly from establishing clear expectations and intentions to minimize misunderstandings. However, these guidelines shouldn’t be rigidly outlined as a list of dos and don’ts. Instead, focus on discussing your core values and setting boundaries to prevent problematic situations, such as having guests over when your partner is absent. Prioritizing open and honest communication about your needs and concerns helps build a stronger foundation, equipping your relationship to handle challenges more effectively and maintain a successful partnership.

10. You may need to get a bigger bed.

Couples who sleep in larger beds, such as a queen or king size, are less likely to get divorced compared to those who sleep in smaller beds like a full or twin. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who slept in larger beds reported higher relationship satisfaction and were less likely to get divorced over a 5-year period.

11. Maybe you even need to sleep in separate bedrooms.

Sleeping in separate bedrooms can be a solution for some couples to improve their relationship, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all fix. It can help reduce conflicts and improve sleep quality if issues like snoring, differing sleep schedules, or restlessness are affecting the relationship. For some, having separate spaces can lead to a better night’s sleep and less tension.

Research on sleep issues reveals that 30-40% of couples opt for different beds, and this can be beneficial. Poor sleep quality can significantly impact relationship health and even contribute to marital discord. Ensuring you both get restful sleep is crucial for sustaining a strong and harmonious relationship. Prioritizing good sleep habits can help keep your partnership robust and resilient.

12. Recognize the benefits of living apart. Take advantage of them.

Being apart doesn’t necessarily spell trouble for a relationship. By shifting your perspective, you can view physical separation as an opportunity rather than a setback. Long-distance relationships can foster equal, if not greater, trust and satisfaction than those where couples are physically together. Use this time apart to engage in activities that your partner may not enjoy or is allergic to, or to indulge in things they might find irritating. Embracing this separation can enrich your individual experiences and ultimately contribute to a healthier and more dynamic relationship.

Relationship signs are often visible and can indicate a strong and resilient bond. However, even the strongest relationship can face challenges if crucial topics are not addressed before marriage. It’s essential to have open discussions about key issues to ensure that your foundation is solid and your expectations align. Addressing these important matters can help prevent future conflicts and strengthen your relationship, setting the stage for a successful and enduring marriage.