20 Proofs That Truth is Spoken Through the Mouths of Babes

Kids drop one-liners that leave us red with laughter and embarrassment, wearing awkward smiles as we try to keep up with their unstoppable wit. These pint-sized comedians keep the zingers coming, making every day wildly unpredictable.

• When I was a child, I was very weak and small. My mother wanted to make me eat beets and told me: “Eat, so you will be pretty like your aunt Cata.” To which I answered: “That big and fat? Noooooo!” and I ran away. I was 6 years old. © Susana Carolina Herrera Salinas / Facebook
• My oldest son was 6 years old when his brother was born. He accompanied my husband to pick me up. When I came out of the hospital and he saw me, he was very surprised, touched my stomach, still swollen, and asked his dad in amazement, “Didn’t they take my little brother out already?” © LP Guzmán / Facebook
• My 6-year-old son told us that when he grows up he is going to leave his children in charge of us so he can go to the circus. © Yezlhy Arnold / Facebook
• I’m sitting in the car with my little sister (7 years old). Recently, she received a ‘D’ grade on her notebook. So, I ask her, “How did this happen?” She turns towards the window with a serious, contemplative expression and says, “Let’s not talk about it...” © Ульяна / ADME
  

• My daughter said to me one day, “Mommy, when I grow up, I’m going to have 4 children. 2 I will give to you and 2 I will keep.” © Gonzalez Silvia / Facebook
• My 6-year-old daughter was looking at the computer keyboard and said to me, “Mom, do you know which key from the keyboard is the richest one?” And I said, “What do you mean, which one has the most money?” And she said, “It’s the 4.” And I, all surprised, asked her: “Why?” And she answered: “Yes, look.” I looked at the keyboard and saw that the 4 had the $ sign at the top. © Loren Streber / Facebook
• I was at home and a friend came to visit me. My 3-year-old daughter started calling me because she wanted to eat. I answered her: “I’ll serve you in a minute!” And, in front of my friend, she very kindly replied, “Are you going to starve me to death or what?” We could only laugh. © Deisy Hinestroza / Facebook
• On a tram, my 4-year-old son threw a tantrum until a man offered him candy, silencing him. A lady nearby nagged, “What should you say?” My son turned and asked, “And one for my mom?” The whole tram burst into laughter. © Polina Polina / Facebook

• When my son misbehaves, I often say, “Stop it, dear, why don’t you behave?” and he will answer: “I would like to behave, but my body just won’t let me.” © Gabriel Pineda / Facebook
• We were on a bus with my 3-year-old daughter. A man got on and sat next to me.
  Ivy: Mom, is that man your boyfriend?
  K: No, he’s not my boyfriend.
  Ivy: Then who is your boyfriend?
  K: My boyfriend is your dad.
  Ivy: No, my dad has another girlfriend, you’re not his girlfriend.
  K: And who is that girlfriend?
  Ivy: My Aunt Annie. Really, she’s his girlfriend. Oh, Mom, I’m always teasing you!
  Annie is my twin sister. © Karito C. Vacalla Malaverry / Facebook
• My son was 4 years old and learning to read. One day he was practicing with the story of The 3 Little Pigs. When he finished, his father asked him: “What did you understand? What lesson does this fable teach us? He answered: “That it is very difficult to eat pigs, I don’t think I will eat that anymore.” © Astrid Maritza Vega R / Facebook
• One day, my eight-year-old grandson watched as his mother stepped on the scale and gasped in horror. He spun around in fright, but upon realizing the situation, he quipped, “Oh! Is it because of the scale? Well, get off it then!” © Marina Rumynina / Facebook

• Once, when my boy was 7 years old, the teacher asked a question in class. He raised his hand to answer, very happy and sure of his answer. The question was, “Where does milk come from?” My child answered, “Oh, teacher! Well, from the refrigerator.” I know this because the teacher told it to me while laughing. © Kenia Vazdo / Facebook
• When my son was very young, we went to the beach one day, and when he had been in the water with his dad for a while, he asked, “Daddy, where’s the stopper?” © Conchi Torres Montero / Facebook
• My daughter was telling me: “I am never going to get married so I can take care of you when you are old and no one will treat you badly.” Listening to her made me cry. I have 4 boys and her. She was the first one to get married. Today she laughs at her innocence. © Ínes Viéipra / Facebook
• My 5-year-old was playing around and hit me in the head with a pillow. I sit there pretending to cry, asking, “Is this how you should behave?” And he responds with, “Well, Mom, that’s how kids behave. What can you do?” © Ksenia Ukrainka / Facebook

Here are some more hilarious kid quips that will have you picking your jaw up off the floor after reading them.