I Crushed on My Married Neighbor, but His Kids Made Me Doubt If I Really Want Relations with Him

A 35-year-old woman wrote us a heartfelt letter about her dilemma: falling in love with her married neighbor. She reached out with hope for advice from our readers, unable to discuss her feelings with friends or family. She thinks our platform can provide understanding and guidance, despite expecting judgment.

We received a story from an anonymous woman.

Our reader, a 35-year-old woman who prefers to remain anonymous, bravely shared her complicated story with us. She’s curious about what our audience thinks, knowing she might face judgment.

In her letter, she opens up about her messy breakup, which led her to move in with friends: “So I’m 35, and 9 months ago I had a very messy and painful breakup with my fiancé, so I moved in with one of my friends and her husband in a house we are all now renting together. It was then that I met my neighbor, who I will call Kevin. He helped us all move our stuff into the new house, and I fell in love with him at first sight. We live in the suburbs of a big city, so we both ended up taking the same bus to work at the same time each day.”

There, she met Kevin, her neighbor, whom she quickly fell for. But there was a delicate detail in this situation: “I knew Kevin had a wife and kids. I was aware of it from the very beginning, but it never stopped me. Kevin talked about them very often and even showed me the photos of them on his lock screen and I saw some family pics of Kevin and his wife in their joint account on Facebook. I didn’t mind it at all, the whole relationship initially started out as a very innocent, silly crush.”

She didn’t hide her feelings.

The woman continues her story, describing Kevin as handsome, funny, and sweet. She felt a connection with him, especially noticing his genuine interest in her life — an aspect lacking in her previous relationship. Kevin’s care for his children also struck a chord with her, witnessing his thoughtfulness firsthand. She couldn’t help but envision a similar affection from him towards her.

But she also discovered a tricky moment about Kevin’s wife: “I just knew that Kevin and I could easily become something more. I also found out shortly after I developed feelings for Kevin that his wife is a person I went to the same school with, and I was surprised because they are total opposites. He is funny, she is very dry, he is exciting, she is dull, he is not an intellectual person, but she is very smart. I just was sure that their personalities didn’t fit very well together at all, and I could easily see Kevin getting stuck in a relationship because he was just so nice.”

Once, Kevin asked her for a favor, and she willingly agreed to assist him.

The woman continues her narrative, her emotions intensifying as she reflects on how things unfolded. She shared: “One evening, Kevin knocked on my door and asked if I could watch his kids for a few hours. I agreed right away. He told me that his wife was in the hospital in another city, Kevin was super worried and decided to drive there to see her. They don’t have any relatives, so he asked me to keep an eye on their kids for a few hours while a family friend would drive several hours to watch the kids at night.”

And then the issue arose. She revealed: “Kevin’s kids were an absolute nightmare. They have three girls, and the oldest was a typical bratty preteen with a complicated character. She was rude, she disrespected my authority, she was arguing with me about everything. I even heard her call me names under her breath a couple of times.
The middle girl was very loud and wanted to play loud, messy games even when I told her not to. The youngest girl, however, was sweet and quiet on her own, but she quickly joined in with the drama that her sisters wanted to create.”

The woman disclosed, “I finally agreed to play hide and seek with the younger girls, and I ended up locked out of the house. When I returned and tried to persuade the oldest girl to let me in through the back door, she ignored me, putting on her headphones. Fortunately, Kevin’s family friend arrived shortly after and let me in. Then, I headed home.”

The woman feels really confused and unsure about everything that’s happened.

The woman ended by expressing her sadness over the babysitting incident. She used to dream about becoming a stepmom to Kevin’s kids, but now she wants nothing to do with them because of what happened. However, she sees it as further evidence that Kevin and his wife aren’t happy, as kids from a happy family wouldn’t behave that way.

She added, “I just want to have a relationship with Kevin now, but I do not know if it is possible because his kids and I would not get along at all. Their mother also could easily get them to hate me. I really love Kevin and I know that we could have a beautiful relationship. But the incident with his kids has really shaken me. I just wish I had someone to talk to about this, but everyone in my life would simply judge me.”

When new neighbors arrive, it can sometimes lead to unexpected situations. This is especially true if you’ve been living with the same neighbors for many years. The dynamics of your living situation might change as you get to know the new people moving in, and this can bring about both challenges and opportunities for growth in your relationships.