My Husband Invited His Mom on Our Trip Without Asking Me and Now He’s Threatening Me

A marriage is built not just on love, but primarily on mutual respect and the ability to negotiate and compromise. When one partner disregards the feelings of the other and makes important decisions unilaterally, it’s a major red flag. Here’s the story of a woman whose husband failed to consult her.

She explained what happened.

My husband and I live in the United States, but we’re digital nomads, so we like to spend six-month period traveling abroad. We traveled last year to Thailand and now this year we’re in Brazil, exploring the northeast and then going south. We are Brazilians, so our whole family lives in this country.

We’re doing different periods of time in different cities. We already did Fortaleza (1 month), and now we’re doing São Luiz (10 days), then Maceió (2 weeks), then other cities in the south, then each of us is going our separate ways to be in our hometowns for 2 months.

It’s just me, him, and our baby dog, enjoying our mighty time as a couple. However, just last night during dinner, I found out that he and his mom decided BY THEMSELVES that she should come for the entire two-week trip to Maceió. Two weeks, with my mother-in-law, in a tiny apartment. There is no going back, the decision has been made, flights booked, and everything.

Now I understand that he and his mom live in different countries, and they miss each other... but he is going to spend 2 MONTHS with her in his hometown at the end of the trip anyway, so that’s plenty of time to enjoy her company.

My point is: I was completely left out of the decision. I believe as a married couple, you should consult each other first before making decisions like this. Maybe asking, “Babe, would you be ok if I brought my mom along to Maceió? For the whole two weeks?”

I would probably try to negotiate it down to one week, but he didn’t even give me an opportunity to share my input or whether I would be OK with it. This is a huge lack of respect for me because it shows that my opinion doesn’t matter and that he’s gonna do whatever he wants regardless of what I think and how I feel. As if I just had to suck it up and accept it.

So this is what happened when I found out: Immediately I got into an argument with him during dinner (I was very discreet) where I was clearly angry. I was telling him how upset and offended I was that I was completely left out of the decision.

He got extremely offended that I wasn’t 100% happy and excited that his mom was spending the two weeks with us (he believes I should be, even though it was a surprise to me), and he even went as far as physically removing his wedding band as a way of showing “either you accept my mom or we can go our separate ways.” Later after dinner he even said things like, “If you and I get divorced, we’re sharing Penny (our dog)”. LIKE???!!!! Excuse me, sir?!

People stood on her side.

• That whole last paragraph, though...that’s your walking papers. What it says:
  — You have to want his mom around as much as he does, anytime. No exceptions.
  — He gets to make unilateral decisions.
  — He is willing to divorce if you don’t agree to the above, manipulation.
  No room for negotiation, his way or the highway. Wow. © Oldgamerlady / Reddit
• Hand your wedding band to the Mama’s Boy you married and tell him that it looks like he’s made his choice. Then book a flight to Timbuktu for the same two weeks as the planned Maceió trip. Wait till the day before MIL is to fly in to let him know you won’t be going with the two of them—that you wouldn’t want to be a third wheel. © Auntie-Mam69 / Reddit
• Time to change your plans and status back to single. If he can take his ring off, so can you. Tell him you hope it fits his mummy. © No_Noise_5733 / Reddit

• Divorce him. If he really loved you (more than his mommy) he would not treat you this way. You will be a whole if you put up with this. Go somewhere by yourself for the 2 weeks MIL is there and see how he likes it. Don’t discuss it with him. Just tell him the plans you made. Just like he did you. Then say you thought he would be happy getting all this time alone with his mom. Be a doormat or don’t. If you put up with this, you are definitely a doormat. You already have shown you are a doormat, willing to lay down and let him walk all over you. No wonder he shows you no respect and assumes you would accept whatever he wants. © Right_Narwhal821 / Reddit
• He is a jerk. And the fact that he’s threatening divorce over getting called out on not including you in planning and then already talking about custody of the dog are huge red flags. It sounds like he’s starting to plan his way out. Change your travel plans to go to your family early, and he can go spend the rest of the trip with his mom. Take the dog with you too. Consider going home early and start packing. And talk to a lawyer. © New_Shallot_7000 / Reddit

Here’s the story of another woman who was also shocked by her husband’s disrespect. She discovered that her husband was calling her “SWMBO” and found out what it meant.