My MIL Was Constantly Showing Up Announced to Our House, So I Changed Her Keys to Fake

Setting boundaries with family members, like a mother-in-law, can be challenging. One reader had a problem with her MIL, who would show up unexpectedly, using a spare key for emergencies. After too many surprises, she replaced the key with a fake one. When the truth was revealed to the family, it caused a scene.

Our reader sent us a message.

Thank you for reaching out to us! It’s a tricky situation indeed, and we’re here to give you some advice.

Here are some advices.

• Apologize to your MIL. Acknowledge the fake key and apologize for how it was handled, noting that public shaming wasn’t the best approach. Explain by saying, “I felt uncomfortable with your unannounced visits, especially after what happened,” and mention the naked incident vaguely without details.
• Resist yielding to her requests. You deserve comfort and privacy at home. Unexpected visits, like the “naked incident,” disrupt your security. You have the right to control who enters your home. Feeling stressed and unsafe at home affects your mental health.

• Keep moving forward. Look ahead and ask for a better solution. “I care about our relationship, but I need to feel safe at home. Can we talk about setting rules for future visits?” Don’t keep bringing up old stuff or blaming anyone, as it can make things worse. Instead of just saying no to visits, suggest different ways that make you feel comfortable.
• Talk to your husband and ask for his support. Talk to your husband about how you feel with your MIL’s surprise visits. Work together on solutions. Be patient with your MIL, change takes time.

Dealing with a mother-in-law can be tricky. Things can range from getting strange gifts to her showing up unannounced. It takes patience and understanding from both sides to handle these situations.