My Whole Family Hates Me Because I Distinguished Between My Real Grandchild and Step-grandchildren

Today we’re sharing a letter from Janet, a 62-year-old grandmother facing a heartbreaking family crisis. After three years of regularly babysitting her son’s blended family, Janet made a decision that has left her isolated from the very children she loves. Her story raises difficult questions about boundaries, fairness, and what it truly means to be family. We believe her situation will resonate with many readers navigating the complexities of modern family dynamics.

I (62F) need advice because my family thinks I’m horrible.

My DIL has 3 children from another man and a baby with my son. The older kids are 8, 10, and 12. The baby Tommy is my biological grandchild with my son Mark (29M).

Here’s the issue: My DIL Sarah calls me to babysit ALL THE TIME. Last month alone, I watched all four kids 12 times. I’m 62 years old — watching four kids is exhausting, and the older ones don’t really listen to me.

Two weeks ago, Sarah called crying, needing weekend babysitting for extra work shifts.

When she asked me to babysit, I said, “Sure, I’ll take care of my grandchild, but you’ll need to pay me to babysit your other two. If I’m watching your other kids, that’s paid work.” She didn’t argue.

There was a long pause. Then she quietly asked, “How much?”

“Fifteen dollars an hour per child.”

“Okay. That’s fair, I guess.”

The next day, I arrived to do just that. I went to her house, expecting drama. But what I found was a spotless house, prepared lunch boxes, detailed schedules, and $180 in cash on the counter with a thank-you note.

But the three older kids were GONE.
“Where are they?” I asked.

Sarah looked embarrassed. “I called my mom. Since you’re only comfortable watching Tommy for free, I made other arrangements.”

The problem is, Sarah’s mom lives in a tiny apartment. The kids hate going there.

When Mark found out, he was FURIOUS.

“Mom, what the heck is wrong with you?” he yelled. “Those kids have been calling you Grandma Janet for three years! Emma was crying because she thought you didn’t want her around!”

“They’re not my grandchildren, Mark!”

“They’re part of MY family now! When I married Sarah, I became their stepdad!”

“That’s not the same thing!”

My own son hung up on me.

Since then, nobody’s talking to me. Sarah hasn’t called once — not even for Tommy. My daughter called me “unnecessarily cruel.” Even my 85-year-old mother called me an “old fool.”

The kids keep asking Mark when they can see me again. Emma made me a drawing at school. Sophie asks if I’m sick because I haven’t called to say goodnight.

I miss them. I miss ALL of them. But I feel like I was being taken advantage of. I’ve been babysitting those four kids almost every week for THREE YEARS without asking for anything.

Look, I’m not obligated to provide free childcare for children who aren’t my responsibility. Sarah’s own family should help more. Why is it wrong to ask for compensation for what’s essentially a part-time job?

But now I’m wondering if I’ve ruined everything over money. The kids don’t understand why Grandma Janet suddenly doesn’t want them around.

Am I in the wrong for distinguishing between my biological grandchild and step-grandchildren when it comes to free babysitting?

Understanding Your Exhaustion

Janet, we hear you. Watching four children 12 times in one month is overwhelming for anyone, let alone someone in their 60s. You have every right to feel tired and to need boundaries. Three years of weekly babysitting without compensation is genuinely a lot to ask of anyone, and your feelings of being taken advantage of are completely valid. Sarah should have recognized this burden much sooner and either offered payment or found additional help.

Where Hearts and Logic Collide

Here’s where things get complicated, Janet. While you were technically within your rights to ask for payment, the way you drew that line — between “your” grandchild and “her” children — cut deeper than you probably intended. Those older kids have been calling you Grandma Janet for three years. In their eyes, you ARE their grandmother. When you suddenly treated them differently, they didn’t understand the financial logic — they just felt rejected by someone they love. Emma’s tears and Sophie’s worried questions show you how much you mean to them.

The Path Forward

Janet, you’re not a horrible person — you’re a grandmother who made a mistake while trying to set boundaries. The good news? This can be fixed. Call Sarah and apologize — not for wanting fair compensation, but for how you handled it. Explain that you love all four children equally and that you were just overwhelmed. Offer to discuss a reasonable arrangement that works for everyone — maybe Sarah pays for some babysitting sessions, or you alternate weeks, or other family members help more regularly. The money was never really the issue — it was about feeling valued and not overwhelmed.

Communication Is Key

From your letter, it seems like Sarah may have been surprised by your request for payment. Clear communication is essential when it comes to expectations, especially in family relationships. In this case, Sarah’s silence and cold response likely stemmed from her own shock, not necessarily a refusal to understand your perspective. We can imagine that she’s used to you watching the kids without compensation, and this change may have caught her off guard. However, that does not diminish your right to set boundaries. You’re not asking for the moon, just a fair exchange for your time.

Janet, those children miss you, and you miss them. That’s what matters most. Don’t let pride keep you from the family you love. Sometimes being right isn’t as important as being together. Pick up the phone, Janet. Your family is waiting.

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