We Gave Our Daughter a More Expensive Gift Than Our Son and Now He’s Not Talking to Us

Raising children is not an easy task. When you have two or more children, it becomes even more challenging because you need to give each child attention, spend time with them individually, and ensure that nobody feels neglected. It turns out that competition and resentment towards the parents often arise between siblings, even when they are grown up. This is the situation that this family found themselves in, and they reached out to internet users for help.

The parents were upset and disheartened. They tried to talk to their son and discuss the situation. However, the young man got mad at his parents and refused to understand their point of view. Worried, the mother and father turned to the internet in search of the truth.

The story sparked a heated discussion, but the opinions of the internet users were divided. Here are some of them:

• You could have given your daughter an $800 check or gift for Christmas, and $3200 for closing on the house at a different time. Then you could tell your son: “We will be so excited to give you a gift of money to help out when you buy your first home!” Instead, now it is a very disproportional Christmas gift, which is sure to raise some jealousy. © idprefernotto92 / Reddit
• $4000 will go to a new couch or carpet or a fridge when that breaks. Son doesn’t need those things right now. She basically getting $4k to help with bills, which he doesn’t have, at least not yet. Instead, he got $800 of fun gifts. For now, 80% of your son’s life is paid for. I’d put $3200 in the bank for when he buys a house, just so he knows it’s there for him. © biscuitboi967 / Reddit
• There was a clear invalidation of your son’s feelings. He sounded like he was being really respectful and brought up valid points as to why he was feeling a certain way. Instead of being open about the whole situation, you started gaslighting. It’s a good way to stop your kid from wanting to approach you about things in the future. © Unknown author / Reddit
• I feel like people on here hate ‘favoritism’ so much that they think you have to treat your kids equally every second of their lives. The fact is, when children are different ages or at different places in life, they’ll be going through different milestones at different times. For example, if one of your children had gotten their license that year and you got them a car for Christmas, that doesn’t mean you need to spend a car’s worth of money on your other child that Christmas. That’d be ridiculous. © strawberrylipsticks / Reddit

A few suggestions for raising 2 or more happy siblings

• Don’t compare siblings to each other or other children. You may think you are motivating them, but all they’re hearing is that their sibling is better than them and that you don’t love them as much. Set boundaries, but don’t mention other people. Even what you may see as a positive comparison can backfire.
• Don’t take sides. When you side with one child against the other, even if you are 100% sure they’re right, you’re creating a rivalry. If they can’t articulate the problem correctly, both children will interpret your actions as a symbol of love given to the sibling who “won” the argument.
• Encourage teamwork. Your children will be siblings for the rest of their lives. They’ll probably spend more time together than with you in the long run.
  That is why it is essential to foster a feeling of belonging. They should work as a team and look out for each other when things get tough. Look for opportunities to reward sibling teamwork at all times.

• Don’t treat siblings as one. Enrolling them in the same activities or groups can be a mistake and even foster competition. Your children are different and unique. That’s a cause for celebration, so it’s better to help them explore their interests and talents. Invest time in discovering how to make them flourish.
• Make sure they have enough personal space. Siblings share parents, toys, family time, and people’s attention. That’s a lot. Sleeping in the same room may not work for children with very different temperaments.
  It’s easier for them to have a private space, such as a tall closet, to keep special objects away from a younger sibling or separate beds, so they can be alone whenever they want.
• Don’t jump in to solve issues. It’s normal for parents to want to avoid conflict and make sure children don’t fight. However, in doing so, you’re also depriving your children of chances to learn how to work things out on their own.
  Children must be able to find solutions to their problems too. Think of a traffic light: when children are arguing, just take a breather and listen to them. If the situation becomes tense, guide them, but don’t solve the issue. Only if there’s verbal or physical aggression, you must jump in to break it off.

Raising children is difficult because sometimes you don’t even realize when you’ve made a mistake and unintentionally hurt your child’s feelings. However, if you want to make as few mistakes as possible, there are simple rules to follow that can help you raise a confident child.