10 Red Flags That May Silently Hint You Are Going to Break Up Soon

Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. When challenges arise, it’s crucial to communicate your needs and concerns to your partner. Recognizing red flags can be difficult, and sometimes professional help is necessary. Here are some warning signs that may indicate serious issues or that the relationship could be in trouble.

1. Insisting on being together all the time

If your partner reacts negatively when you make plans without them and struggles with being alone, it indicates an inability to handle discomfort, which can come across as possessive behavior. Personal space is vital in relationships; without it, personal growth outside of the partnership becomes challenging.

2. A “so what” attitude toward problems

Instead of taking ownership and responsibility for their contribution to the degradation of the relationship, one or both parties simply point out an example of the other exhibiting similar behavior.

This is a red flag because it illustrates their lack of self-awareness and poor communication skills. Communication is key when trying to mend a tattered relationship because, without respectful communication, the conflict-recovery process can never begin.

3. Staying together for the kids

“We’re staying together for the kids.” This leads to an unhealthy mindset where the couple sees the children as a burden and believes that remaining in an unhealthy relationship will somehow make the kids turn out all right.

Kids are smarter than you think, and if their parents don’t love each other, they’ll pick up on it. If the kids are really the priority, the couple will either learn to fix the relationship or end it.

4. Refusing to meet with the therapist individually

During the first session, I share that during the assessment, I like to meet with them both together and then once each, individually. Occasionally, I’ll have partners who suddenly become very critical or suspicious about this. It goes beyond curiosity or simply inquiring about the practice. There is an incredulous and almost panicked tone to it.

And sure enough, every single time, they turn out to be some variation of controlling, manipulative, and abusive.

5. Being completely dependent on the partner

These are typically young women (and sometimes young men as well) who don’t work, don’t have children, stay home all day, and have no friends or hobbies outside of hanging out with their spouse. This is very unhealthy and always ends in a painful and messy breakup.

Generally, we try to get them to find a friend, join a community, get a job, or volunteer — something to provide them with self-worth and personal fulfillment outside of their spouse.

6. Invalidating each other’s feelings and opinions

This comes in many forms, from gaslighting to just simple denial of another’s opinion. Most of the time, one or both parties are simply trying to be heard on an emotional level, but the other party takes this as a personal attack on their ideals. We’ve all heard of or know people who will literally disagree with anything you say simply because you said it. That’s the invalidation I’m referring to.

The solution here is to attack the problem, not each other. People rarely have the exact same stance on a conflict, but they usually (in healthy relationships) have very similar core values. While parents may disagree on how to parent a child, the core value of caring about their children and wanting them to succeed is the same.

7. Having no warm feelings about how you met

For me, an unofficial litmus test is when I ask how the couple met. If there are absolutely no positive feelings from either person, no one even cracks a smile, or they just give me a single sentence answer, that’s usually a signal that they’ve been unhappy for a long time or that the conflict is so overwhelming, they can’t access those warm fuzzy feelings from the beginning of their relationship.

Hearing about their first few months together is a fun and illuminating part of therapy. Only a few times have I seen flat or negative responses, and it breaks my heart every time.

8. Trying to escalate any issue

This can be seen in the constant, needless escalation of a conflict, where any minor disagreement can blow up to a huge problem. It shows up quickly in therapy if you’re watching for it. This is mostly because the one using this to avoid accountability is almost guaranteed to play this card in relation to the therapy itself, saying either, “I had to drag them here,” or “They’re just trying to break up with me.”

What they’re doing is avoiding having a conversation about the issue by blowing it up into a bigger problem than it is, making the other person respond to their feelings rather than deal with their concerns.

9. Forgetting the good things

One of the biggest red flags I see when working with a new couple is when they’ve totally forgotten the good things about being with each other. Part of relationship therapy is reconnecting a couple with what they like about each other, what initially attracted them to each other, and what the positives are between them. When people have been unhappy for so long that they can’t remember what it was like to be in love or to even like each other, they’re just about hopeless.

Couples that are fighting still have some amount of connection, even if it’s negative. The situation I’m talking about is more cold and separate. People at this level are usually nothing more than distant roommates.

10. Being secretive

Even though you two are a couple, everyone deserves personal privacy in relationships. Without it, we can’t truly discover who we are outside social expectations. Sometimes, you may need time to process certain information before sharing it with your partner. This is perfectly normal and essential for personal growth.

Being secretive differs from being private. A secret involves hiding critical information from your partner out of fear or shame, while privacy allows for personal reflection. Healthy relationships require transparency, so it’s important to share relevant information, especially if it might upset your partner. Navigating the relationship honestly is crucial for its success.

And here’s a shocking revelation from a woman who took a DNA test for her baby and uncovered a hidden secret about her mother-in-law.