I Said NO to My Dad’s Return... Until Mom’s Dark Confession

After a lifetime without her father, Jenna suddenly finds herself facing the past she never asked for. Out of nowhere, her dad reappears with a message that stirs confusion, anger, and doubt — and her mom is urging her to let him back in. But after years of believing he didn’t care, can Jenna really open her heart to a man she never knew?

Hello!

My name is Jenna. My mom raised me alone because my dad left when I was born. Years later, he suddenly showed up and texted me, “You should know that I always loved you. I need to explain everything.”

I ignored him. But to my surprise, my mom begged me to accept him, “It wasn’t his fault because it was my family who pushed him out of our lives. I was young and scared, and I let them.”

Turns out, my mom’s family thought my dad wasn’t good enough for her. She told me he had anxiety and other health issues, and he couldn’t even keep a steady job. Things got really hard, and her family agreed to help, but only if she promised to cut him off.

They believed it was best for my future. Now they are full of regret. My dad lived abroad for many years, and now he’s come back hoping we can reconnect.

I get it. I really do. But I grew up without a father. I was constantly lied to about him and told things that made me believe he was just a guy who didn’t care.

Now I’m being asked to just accept him because no one is against it anymore? But what about my feelings? What about all the years I spent without him?

It feels like I’m just supposed to forget about everything and open up my heart to someone who was never there for me. I’m afraid to let him in, and honestly, I don’t even know how to start. I don’t know how to trust him or how to connect with him after all these years. I feel like it’s unfair.

What am I supposed to do?

Jenna, your story carries a lot of pain, confusion, and very real questions about fairness. It’s not easy to reconcile the facts (your dad wasn’t there) with the reasons (your mom’s family pushed him away) and the emotions (you were left to grow up without him). Here are some gentle suggestions you might consider:

• Acknowledge your feelings first. It’s valid to feel hurt, angry, or even betrayed. You don’t owe anyone forgiveness or a relationship just because circumstances have changed. Allow yourself to process the years of absence and the lies you were told.
• Go at your own pace. Reconnecting doesn’t have to mean rushing into a close relationship. You can start small — maybe exchanging short messages, asking him questions, or meeting briefly in a neutral space. Think of it as testing the waters rather than diving in.
• Ask for honesty. If you decide to talk to him, be clear that you want the truth about the past. Hearing his side might help you understand, but you also have the right to question and express how his absence shaped your life.
• Set boundaries. You get to decide how much contact (if any) you’re comfortable with. Boundaries aren’t rejection — they’re protection for your emotional health.
• Don’t feel pressured to “fix” it. Just because your mom and family regret the past doesn’t mean you have to carry the responsibility of reconciling. This is about your healing, not about easing their guilt.
• Consider support. Talking to a therapist, counselor, or even a trusted friend can help you sort through the mix of emotions — resentment, curiosity, longing, anger — in a safe space.
• Remember, you have choices. Reconnecting doesn’t have to mean full forgiveness or pretending the past didn’t happen. You can choose to know him as he is now, while still honoring your own hurt. Or, you can choose distance if that’s healthier for you. Both are valid.

Here you can read the story of another person who also discovered a family secret in adulthood.