I Was Blamed for Ruining Our Anniversary, but I Got My Sweet Payback

When our reader’s husband lost his temper over something she couldn’t control, she chose to act — and what happened next left him stunned, turning their relationship upside down.

Here’s Coleen’s story:

Hi, Now I’ve Seen Everything!

For the weekend, we stayed at a 5-star resort to celebrate our anniversary when my period hit. The pain was unbearable, so all our plans fell apart. On our last day, my husband suddenly snapped at me, “You ruined our holiday!” I apologized, but he doubled down, saying he had had enough of my period pain.

I told him it was natural for women to have periods and that it wasn’t my choice to be in pain. We didn’t say a word on the flight home. When we got home, I was still stung by his words and knew I had to take action. I called my best friend, went online, and booked the exact same trip at the resort — same room, same package. The only change? This time, I put my best friend’s name in place of his.

The next morning, I left the confirmation email open on the kitchen counter. He saw it and got excited, thinking I had booked the trip for us again — “To fix the things I ruined.” When I told him, “No, this one’s for me and Helen,” he went completely silent. I could see the shock on his face. Now he’s upset, claiming I’m being petty and “destroying the marriage over one comment.”

Do you think I should have just let it go, or was I in the right? I feel like I’m simply showing him that it’s not okay to blame me for something I can’t control. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Coleen

Hi Coleen,

You’re not entirely wrong for being upset, and he’s not completely wrong for feeling disappointed that the trip didn’t go as planned. What matters now is how you both handle that disappointment. There are a few things to consider before deciding on the best way to move forward.

• When your husband snapped at you, he probably didn’t realize how intense period pain can be. He may not understand that it’s more than just uncomfortable — it can be debilitating. This could be a chance to educate him about dysmenorrhea and the range of symptoms women can experience, some of which can be severe, including vomiting or even fainting. Sharing this might help him be more compassionate the next time you’re in pain.
• Your husband’s frustration with your period pain can be understood. But the way he treated you is problematic for several reasons. He responded to your discomfort as if it were an inconvenience to him, which dismisses the fact of your physical and emotional state. Instead of empathizing, he blamed you, which can make you feel like your pain is not valid or that you’re being a burden.

• Rebooking the trip for you and your friend may have been an emotional response, but it might have caused more confusion and hurt in the long run. While you’re absolutely justified in feeling upset, using the same trip to make a point can backfire. Your husband is now upset, which seems to be shifting the focus away from his hurtful comment and onto the new situation you’ve created.
• While it might feel satisfying in the moment to act out, a calm conversation is often more effective. Start by discussing how he can support you in the future, rather than dwelling on the past. As we’ve seen, rebooking the trip for yourself isn’t a big issue — you could have agreed on it while still at the resort, which might have eased the tension.
• It’s also important to communicate that you deserve empathy, respect, and understanding, especially when you’re physically vulnerable. Let him know that what hurt wasn’t just his words, but the lack of compassion and the assumption that your pain wasn’t valid.

We hope this perspective helps you move forward in a way that fosters understanding, rather than driving you further apart.

Our longtime reader Joan shared a story about a family clash when her daughter-in-law tried to turn her long-awaited retirement cruise into a free babysitting trip. But Joan wasn’t about to be pushed around. Read on to see how she handled it — and what happened next.