I’m Not Going to Change My Daughter’s Name, Even After Accidentally Choosing a Forbidden One

Naming your child is no easy task, especially when balancing family expectations. Some names might already be used by relatives, while others are linked to estranged family members. A young mother chose to keep her baby daughter’s name under wraps until the final moment, but the fallout from her decision could change her life in ways she never anticipated.

For one woman on Reddit, choosing her daughter’s name ignited major family drama, despite her best efforts to keep it a secret to avoid just that.

“I 26F just gave birth to my daughter Annabelle. I didn’t announce it beforehand because in the past, one of my family members stole a baby’s name, and it created a lot of drama. My mom wanted to know, but I was adamant about keeping it a secret.

My mom and dad were in the room when I gave birth and when it was time for me to sign the birth certificate, my mom asked for the name and I told her Annabelle. Her face went pale, and my dad didn’t look too happy, but he said he loved the name. My mom left a few minutes later, claiming she didn’t feel well. She said she’ll come over in a few days to help with the baby.”

“Now I’m at home with the baby and my mom hasn’t talked to me that much. We used to talk every day, so I was confused by this sudden behavior. My sister Emily still lives with mom, so I called her over to talk.

When she got to my house, she explained how she overheard dad and mom arguing because about ten years ago, dad had an affair with a coworker named Annabelle. Mom hasn’t been talking to him, and he’s been trying to get her to talk. I guess Dad realizing that Emily had come over decided to come over himself.”

“He asked if there was any way that I could change Annabelle’s name. I asked him why, to see if he’d tell me the truth. And he did, he admitted to the affair. He begged mom not to leave him, and she stayed, but just hearing that name had always put her in a bad headspace. I told him I couldn’t, and that Annabelle was the name of my husband’s grandmother who helped raise him.

My dad begged and pleaded for me to change it, saying mom was in the middle of packing her bags and heading to her sister’s house. I told him I wouldn’t change her name and that it means so much to me and my husband.

He began to raise his voice, and immediately my sister yelled back and told him to get out. She told him not to stress me out about a mess he created. He left immediately. I’m not changing my baby’s name, but I feel like this is tearing the family apart. What should I do?”

In situations like this, it’s always helpful to hear what others think. Here’s what many Redditors had to say.

• I understand you, but it will have consequences. Your mom might not be willing to bond — and there’s no blame for that! Your dad hurt her badly. Look, the only one at fault here is your dad. Some wounds just take time to heal. Could you agree on a nickname, like Anna or Belle? © itchyb***hytwitchy / Reddit
• Try and put yourself in your mom’s shoes, imagine your husband sleeping with another woman, you choose to forgive and all is well, until someone that you love, and you’ll be in her life daily, carries the name of the person that along with your husband hurt you to your very core. The name will always be a reminder, and to have that name now tied to someone that you love is pretty conflicting. © Life-is-a-beauty-Joy / Reddit
• Personally, I couldn’t keep that name after finding out that, even if it was in honor of your husband’s grandmother, for that there are variants, but I couldn’t keep a name that would hurt my mother, and yes, I have 1 name that I know that if used, would deeply hurt both parents, although it is not the name of a lover.
  But if you want to keep it, you have to take into account that your mother’s feelings could influence her and she can move away for her own peace of mind. © Pristine-Payment / Reddit
• My grandfather had an affair with a woman in the 1950s. My aunt had a daughter whose name is not the same as the mistress, but if you short her first name it is the same name as the mistress (something like Maryanne and Mary). Like first and last names the same.
  One time somebody pointed that out in front of my grandmother and her reaction was pretty strong, and it had been like 40 years since my grandfather’s infidelity. So be prepared for not having your mom so involved. © West-Adhesiveness555 / Reddit

• My parents named me a name that my father’s mom hated. She told him not to do it, but they stuck to the name. My grandma hated me since before I was born and it definitely impacted our relationship. I’d get less attention, fewer gifts, or none at all sometimes, etc.
  She often reminded me it was because my name was awful and that I should change it. When I turned 18 and didn’t change it, she shunned me and never spoke to me again. It truly hurt me. While names shouldn’t matter that much, they definitely have an impact. © MaximusZacharias / Reddit
• Call your mom. Tell her you’re so sorry and had zero idea about any of this. Tell her, if she wants, she can call your daughter by first and middle name. That might give some separation. Or make a nickname.
  Tell your mom everything you know about grandma Annabelle. She liked to knit. She had an infectious laugh. Her eyes were blue. She did ballet. She needs mental separation from her husband’s fling.
  As far as the affair? Dad needs to figure that out. That is between THEM and if your baby uncovered feelings then that’s their problem, not yours. They need therapy or a split. © Armadillo_of_doom / Reddit
• Damn, why is he raising his voice after mistakes that HE made catch up to him?? © Venom_VX_15 / Reddit
• This is tough, and your dad is way out of line. You have every right to use that name, especially with the family connection. But. You may end up regretting it. Down the line, if your mom and dad aren’t involved in your child’s life like you wanted them to be, you may look back and wish you had made a different choice.
  But who knows? Maybe your mom will move past her feelings and this isn’t even an issue that lasts and she takes to being an involved grandma. Talk to your mom. You don’t need to go into the conversation with the intention to change the baby’s name, but it would be helpful to hear what she has to say. © lady-scorpio-45 / Reddit

It’s always better to prioritize your own wishes rather than constantly trying to please others. One of our readers, Lynn, asked her stepdad not to attend her wedding to please her biological father, but later regretted it as the consequences unfolded.