My Friend Refused to Lend Me Money and It Hurt Me to My Core

They say you can’t mix friendship and money. On the other hand, who can you rely on in a difficult situation if not a friend from whom you can borrow money? A girl complained that her well-to-do friend refused to lend her $5.

She shared her side of the story.

My best friend and I have been friends for nearly 7 years. When we first met, she was struggling financially and lived paycheck to paycheck. At one point, her car broke down, and she had no transportation to work, so I would let her borrow my car and never asked her for gas money or anything in return. At the time, I was financially secure and was happy to help her out.

As the years went by, my financial situation changed and just like her, I began living paycheck to paycheck. By this time, she had started dating a guy she met online, who revealed to her a few months into dating that he was a millionaire. They married shortly after, and suffice to say she has not had to struggle since.

There have been a few times I have asked to borrow money, which I have always paid back. It’s usually not much, less than $25 or so each time, and she would always oblige with no problems until recently.

The last couple of times I asked to borrow money, she said she didn’t have it, which I found odd. But then I asked to borrow $5, and she said the same thing, and I thought it was odd that she told me she didn’t have $5 to spare. I know that ever since she got married, her brothers and a couple of other friends have tried taking advantage of her new-found wealth by asking to borrow money they never paid back and having her bail them out of situations they put themselves in that have cost her a lot of money.

I started to think that maybe I had forgotten to pay her back the money I owed her at some point, so I reached out to her to ask if that was the case. When she told me that wasn’t the case (as in, I had always paid her back), I told her I felt hurt because it felt as if I needed her help with something (I used the example if I ended up in jail) that I couldn’t reach out to her for help because she couldn’t even let me borrow $5.

She replied and said that, just like her brothers, I needed to learn how to budget my money better and that she couldn’t be the one to bail everyone out. She said when she was struggling, she had to work multiple jobs and did what she had to do.

I replied and said that it was not fair for her to lump me in with her brothers as I have never done anything to take advantage of her and I have never said something like that to her when I let her borrow my car and anytime she would ask me to borrow money when she was struggling. I told her I loved her but that I was ending the conversation, and she replied that this is why money and friends should never have mixed.

Since then, she has reached out and said, “I didn’t deserve that conversation last night, I hope you know that” to which I have not replied and have no plans to. I am deeply hurt that she feels I was in the wrong, but I do not think I was in the wrong here. I understand that I am not entitled to anyone’s money, borrowed or not, but when she was in my shoes, I did everything I could to help her out. I could understand if I had asked to borrow a large amount of money, but I literally asked for $5.

People got mixed reactions.

• Oddly enough, I have a wealthy friend that this story reminds me of. We’ve known each other 40 years, going back to little kids. When we were in high school and college together, both of us were broke. If I had enough money for chips, I’d share the bag or vice versa. That sort of stuff was normal. We never kept score. Now I’m just a regular working guy, and he has had the keys to his trust fund and family business for many years. Since those days, I’ve never asked him for a single cent. I have, however, asked for help in other ways, like borrowing a tool for a project or just an extra pair of hands. The moral to this story is friendship is really only as good as the friend, and time changes us all. © oxnardmontalvo7 / Reddit
• I wonder if new hubby was actually financially controlling on top of everything else. She may have to account for every single dollar and may not have any financial freedom at this point. © noknownabode / Reddit
• I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I couldn’t lend $5 that I have to someone who has always paid it back. Not $5000. $5. Wild. © fishsticks40 / Reddit
• I think it’s a rich people thing, they tell you that financial literacy means never lending anyone money — which I don’t think is bad advice in general, but applying that to $5 is insane. © another-r-account / Reddit
• It sounds like a pattern of behavior. You shouldn’t be hitting up your friends for $$ constantly, even if you do repay. You do need to figure out how to budget so that you have the $5 or $25 or whatever in hand when you need it, rather than a few days or weeks after. © Stunning-Equipment32 / Reddit
• I think people are not seeing the issue. Friendships are founded on equality. You supported her when she was down, and you feel that she is not supporting you when you are down — ESPECIALLY when it is a question about small sums. In addition to that — she starts lecturing you for being lazy and stupid.
  That said, there are a few points worth noting. Borrowing between friends are always bad. I have the rule if my friends need a few dollars — I simply give them the money or offer to pay for them. Lack of repayment of loans kills friendships (I know it is not the case in your situation). The strange thing is that people usually do not like gifts, but they often feel it is ok to borrow money and not repay. (I know — not your case — general observation)
  This said — I think you need to accept that this friendship is over. Right now — I suggest a “polite” way to end it. Send your friend a friendly greeting — and say that you accept fully her point of view. After that — you stop accepting meeting her or visits on the basis that you are busy working or that you are cutting down costs. Just say this politely and let this friendship die slowly. © Ambitious-Cover-1130 / Reddit

Unfortunately, money can ruin not only friendships but also family relationships. Here is the story of a couple who found themselves on the verge of divorce because of the wife’s income.