My Husband and I Wanted To Have an Open Relationship, but Neither of Us Could Have Predicted This Would Happen

3 weeks ago

33-year-old Monica wrote to us. Her marriage is on the rocks, and she doesn’t know what to do. But the thing is, Monica’s story is so out of the ordinary that few people have ever experienced anything like it.

Monica and her husband had been very happy with their open marriage.

Monica, 33, has sent us a letter and told us her story, in order to get a piece of advice from our readers about her quite complicated family situation.

The woman started her letter, saying, “I have an open relationship with my beloved husband, Todd. We have been married for 5 years and the last 2 years we have been in an open marriage. We both find it very satisfying, because this type of relationship helps us preserve the spirit of freshness in our relations.
I can’t say I was very fond of this idea when it was first suggested by Todd. I did hesitate a lot, but finally, I found more benefits in an open marriage than drawbacks. None of us is a jealous person, but we do appreciate honesty in any type of communication. This arrangement was from the start considered a temporary one, and we agreed that we’ll get back to a traditional marriage as soon as one of us finds an open relationship uncomfortable and unsettling.”

Monica appeared to be in a very awkward situation.

Monica goes on with her story, saying, “Everything was fine between us. Last December, I started to see another guy, and we hit it off, and we dated each other regularly. My husband also had a woman he was seeing regularly, and we both were still in love with each other. Last month, I found out I was pregnant with twins, and they’re my secondary partner’s babies.”

“I need to add that I was on birth control. I didn’t expect such a turn, honestly. It took me some time to wrap my head around things and finally tell my husband. At first, Todd was absolutely supportive, and he even said, ‘I love you honey, and these babies are a part of you, so I will love them with all my heart, too.’

I was so pleasantly surprised with his reaction! I must mention that during all this time I had a number of health issues, mostly with my reproductive system. I was told that I would be unlikely to conceive, for me this was a real chance to be a mom, and I was happy about it.”

Everything is getting just worse in the family.

Monica revealed, “Recently, my husband changed his mind about the babies after realizing that the father wasn’t just going to walk away from the kids. Todd said he would be okay with it as long as the biological father of the twins wasn’t going to be a part of their lives. For background, my husband’s mother had him as a teenager, and he has been raised by a stepdad for his entire life and has an estranged relationship with his biological father.”

The woman added, “Although Todd had a stepdad, he always wanted his biological father to play a bigger role than he did. I don’t understand how he cannot relate to the situation and expect the kids to want nothing to do with their biological father.”

The family is in a big conflict now and the woman is desperate.

Monica revealed, “Todd has recently planted the seed that with these kids in our life we will never be happy. At 3 am yesterday morning, he left me a letter before leaving on a business trip that said I have to choose, either it’s the babies or divorce.”

Monica confessed, “I feel so conflicted because what if this is the only time I can have babies. I couldn’t conceive in years, and what if it never happens again. This is the factor that has made things so difficult for me. I need advice so badly, and I can’t make up my mind on how to live with Todd and have babies at the same time.”

This is a difficult situation, and we decided to find out what people think about it:

  • Firstly, she needs to know for sure who the father is before making a decision. It doesn’t say how she knows for definite. Three of them need to sit and discuss the way forward as adults. The husband may need counselling regarding his upbringing, but this shouldn’t stop him from being able to bring up the twins and be a father to them. They could have two Dads and be really happy. © Fiona Paterson / Facebook
  • Open marriage is the thin edge of the wedge to divorce. © Robin Dixon / Facebook
  • Kids. No question about that. Husbands like this one are expendable, kids are not. If their bio dad is willing to do what’s right, who knows where that may lead? May be to a new family with healthier dynamics? © Marina Marinova / Facebook
  • What you expect? Divorce and live your own life. An open marriage is not the answer to anything. It will be doomed. Figure it out, your mess you clean it up but get right with the marriage. If not, move on. You all wasn’t happy together if you got to have it open and sleep around. © Tacey Ann / Facebook
  • Open marriage? Am sorry. Not a great idea. Either you’re in or you’re out you can’t have the best of both worlds, can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Now, that you’re pregnant from another man, from another affair, time to dignify your situation, get out of your marriage, and settle down with the baby Daddy. Just my opinion. Take it or leave it. © Amanda Buencamino Maniquis / Facebook
  • The babies are innocent in all this. They are a gift from God. With or without the babies, the marriage is over. Keep the babies, otherwise you will have no husband nor any babies. It was your life, your choice, so be an adult and accept responsibility for your actions. © Richard Verhaeghe / Facebook

Any marriage, whether open or closed, can collapse in an instant. Here is the story of another woman who revealed her real income to her husband and now they are on the verge of divorce.

Preview photo credit Pickpik


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