My Husband Got Control Issues on Basic Part of My Life and Now I Feel Trapped

Building a strong connection in relationships requires trust, respect, and support. Unfortunately, some partners may try to exert control, causing imbalance and stress. This behavior, stemming from insecurities, power dynamics, or psychological issues, can range from subtle manipulation to outright dominance. Recently, a Reddit user sought advice from the online community regarding her husband’s unreasonable demands.

She wrote:

“This is the weirdest thing my husband has ever done. He really is a sweet and loving husband, and I love him more than anything. My husband has always been a little out there. He is a computer programmer and super smart, but also believes all sorts of things. Both real and conspiracy.

Lately, he has been very worried about the environment and global warming. About two months ago, he got real worried about water. Yes, water. He is concerned about the quality of water. He put in a new filter system in our house, which I actually love because it tastes so much better.

But he is also concerned about how much water we use. Not because of money, but the environment. He created a new rule that we can only take 2 showers a week. Now, I’m someone that likes to shower every day before bed. I just don’t like feeling dirty in bed.”

She went on saying:

“This has created the most conflict in our marriage in 20 years. He became obsessed with the amount of water we use. At first, I just ignored his rule, but he would shut off the hot water while I was in the shower. I started trying to use the shower at the gym, but it’s too much work to go every night with having kids. I honestly thought he would get over this within a month. But he is stuck on this still to this day.

Last night, I really needed a shower, but had ’hit my quota’ as he says. I said I’m showering and that he’d better not do anything. But about two minutes in, he turned off the hot water. I grabbed my towel and went down and started yelling. Telling him this is the dumbest thing he has ever done. I also told him I’m moving to my parents if he doesn’t stop this.

Guys, I feel trapped now as I really love this man. He is everything to me, but I can’t take this anymore. Am I going too far in threatening to move out?”

People expressed their opinions in a critical manner, offering suggestions for potential solutions.

• There are 300 million Americans. One family suffering to save water won’t make a difference. Your husband needs to seek therapy about this issue. Take a shower every day. © FuzzyHero69 / Reddit
• It is absurd that he feels like he can dictate when his adult wife showers. Like advocate for it sure, but my mind is just blown by this conflict. I have actually experienced someone trying to dictate when I could shower, not like a romantic partner but still it is incredibly controlling behavior. © joshtheadmin / Reddit
• You say he’s a computer programmer and is really smart, so ask him if he realizes that water amounts are a zero-sum game when you shower? As in, you’re not actually DESTROYING the water — you’re washing yourself and then the dirty water will now go through a filtration system at your city and back to where it started, with no loss! I mean, there will be some evaporation, but that’s just putting the water back into nature where it’ll end up raining back into the original water source anyway. Skipping showers preserves no water. © MargaritaKid / Reddit

• He won’t let you? “Thanks for your opinion, hon, but I’m taking a shower.” “Also, darling, you’ve hit your quota of telling me what to do.” “Turn off the hot water again and there will be consequences.” Now, if he’s really concerned with water, put a big bucket in the shower and collect the runoff when you are warming up your shower. You can water the plants with it. You are an equal adult partner in your marriage. I’d suggest him getting some therapy about his increasingly disturbing behavior. Sounds like his anxiety is getting the best of him. © kcetpbs / Reddit

Relationships between husband and wife can experience ups and downs, and sometimes conflicts can be exacerbated by the involvement of other family members like MIL. Clear communication and discussion are crucial to maintain harmony within the family and address any issues that arise.