10 Essential Parenting Behaviors to Cultivate Confident Children

When it comes to raising a child, parents may feel uncertain about their actions and decisions. Overreacting and a lack of preparedness are two critical errors to avoid. Although parenting doesn’t come with a manual, continuous learning is essential, as some actions may have unintended negative consequences. By avoiding detrimental behaviors, parents can better support their child’s emotional and cognitive growth.

1. Try to control any impulsive reaction you might have

On many occasions, parents can get frustrated after telling their children not to do something and not a second passes by before they are already doing the exact same thing we asked them not to do. However, the truth is that children can’t always manage to control their impulses to break the rules. Self-control is a skill that isn’t fully developed until the teenage years, so you can expect the process of learning to regulate impulses to be a long and slow one.

Keeping calm and collected is key to being able to deal with this type of situation, as it will mainly give you time to think and provide the most beneficial response for the child, also taking into account your intentions as a parent.

2. Overstimulation

It’s good to keep our children active by encouraging them to take part in activities that help them thrive. However, as the saying goes, “You can have too much of a good thing.” If we overload their days with tasks, we could actually be encouraging overstimulation. This normally happens when children are subject to excessive physical activity, constant intense experiences, and loud sounds, among others things. What all of these have in common is that they are overwhelming for children and can actually make them feel exhausted. This will be reflected in their mood and can also make them hyperactive. Reactions to this overstimulation may vary according to the age of the child. Some of the examples of this type of behavior are:

• In newborns and infants: moodiness, tiredness, turning their faces away, clenching their fists, and kicking.
  
• In children going to preschool: tiredness, moodiness, crying without the ability to explain their emotions, tantrums on the floor, refusal to engage in any other activity.
  
• In children going to elementary school: clumsiness, seeking more attention, more requests for help than usual in school or with home tasks.

That’s why it’s recommended to balance activities with moments of calm so that children feel safe and calm.

3. Forcing them to eat

Of course, all parents want their children to eat healthy, so they can grow up healthy, but vegetables and fruits are not the most attractive option in the eyes of children, and forcing them to eat them will only cause more rejection. Specialists have advised making the foods that children do not like more enjoyable for them.

First of all, it is necessary to understand that a child will know how to listen to their body, so they will understand when they need to eat and when they do not. In addition, the meal starts before sitting at the table. Growing vegetables in a garden or in the kitchen will encourage them to try something new.

Another thing is that adults should not belittle other foods with their words, because their interest will diminish much more. It is good to encourage little ones to try new things, because the more they try in childhood, the more food they will be able to tolerate.

4. Not allowing them to express their negative feelings

Children experience the same feelings as adults, only, unlike us, they cannot hide or repress them. This is also related to what we mentioned earlier about kids not having finished developing their self-control skills. On top of that, they don’t always know how to express their feelings with words. That’s why it’s so important to try and help them find the right words to talk about them. A good way of doing that is by asking them directly what’s going on, as well as giving them their space. You can also resort to series or movies they like to translate what they feel into reality.

5. Forcing them to socialize

Social life is an important part of a child’s growth and future life, but for some, it is not very easy to make friends because everyone develops their ability to socialize at their own pace. Forcing them to interact with people is not the solution, because according to a psychologist, “it can generate a rebound effect that causes them to isolate themselves or rebel against the fact of relating to others.”

What we have to do is to motivate them and provide them with the means to learn to socialize, placing them in environments, situations, and circumstances that facilitate interaction with other children, so that they can learn and practice their social skills until they become pleasurable.

6. Curbing their drive for autonomy

Much like most adults, children actually like being autonomous and feeling that they have a say or that they can own their own decisions. You’ve probably noticed before that they tend to rebel against their parents when they try to help them with something. For parents, that often comes across as something strange and they can have a hard time understanding why children react the way they do. However, if the child wants to make his or her bed by themselves, it is better to let them do it. After all, this is the best way to let them know that they will be able to carry out their plans and thus make them feel more autonomous.

7. Comparing children with other children

It is normal for one child to have abilities that another does not, because we are all different! But making comparisons between a child and other children and encouraging them to be like others does more harm than good.

It can lead to envy, jealousy, and rivalry, especially if it involves siblings. It also hurts their self-esteem, since we are showing them that they do not have certain characteristics we would like for them to have, and we do not emphasize the good ones they already have, making them feel insecure and less loved. To encourage them, you can reinforce those attitudes that you want in them when they appear and not when they imitate these traits in others. In addition, you can celebrate their positive behaviors, so that they know they are valued.

8. Disrupting their desire to play

As mentioned above, children can have a lot of energy and, consequently, a lot of drive to play. If your child is like this, you should keep in mind that playing is a fundamental part of their growth because it actually helps them develop different skills and learn new things. However, sometimes adults are not able to understand a child’s invitation to play or they confuse it with bad behavior, when, in fact, they just want to share their emotions and communicate with others. That is why it is good to accept this offer to play, even if it interrupts some daily activity.

9. Emotional contagion

Children are like a sponge and, as such, they react to the attitudes, emotions, and mindsets that their parents or other role models have around them. That means that if adults are constantly stressed, their children will most likely also exhibit that mood. Their reaction can be explained by a phenomenon called emotional contagion, which, according to neuroscience, is an imitation effect that goes beyond simply copying gestures and goes so far as to spread emotions as if they were vibes floating in a room. This is why it is important to maintain a calm environment so that the child can absorb positive emotions.

10. Projecting your own fears onto the children

Parents have the same amount of anxiety, if not more so, as their kids when it’s time for them to go to school. That’s because they know how important it is to make a good impression and perform well in the classroom. One mistake they make is transferring their worries to their children without realizing the damage it can cause. Of course, it’s important that the kid knows about certain things, but being worried about them won’t do any good.

If you feel that your stress is too much around the return to school, you can contact a therapist. They will help you tame your anxiety and not transfer it to your child. It’s important to know why your anxiety levels are so high and find a way to process the whole thing so it won’t become an issue for your child.

Parenting is an immensely challenging task, and there is no manual to guide us through this journey. Nevertheless, some positive parenting tips can always be beneficial when we are uncertain about how to handle a particular situation.