I Didn’t Hear My Baby Cry for 30 Minutes, and My Fiancé Got Angry, Calling Me an Awful Mom
Celebrating the arrival of a new family member is a wonderful and transformative moment, yet it brings its own set of difficulties. The shift to parenthood can be particularly taxing for new mothers, who typically shoulder the main responsibilities of caring for the baby. In an ideal scenario, husbands and fathers actively contribute to supporting their wives during this period. Regrettably, this isn’t the case for the mother we’re discussing below.
The new mom shared her story.
I didn’t wake up to my crying baby for 30 minutes. I feel absolutely awful and disgusted with myself. My fiancé left work because he saw on the baby monitor that the baby was crying. We have one that connects to our phones as well as the monitor that comes with it. He came home screaming at me because I didn’t wake up.
For context, I had been up all night, and at 6 a.m., I was with the baby and heard my fiancé’s alarm going off. I walked into the room and asked when he had to be up, but all he did was snooze his alarm and mute the monitor that sits on his side of the bed. I watched him do this.
After being screamed at, I told my fiancé that the sound of the monitor was off. I apologized profusely. The issue is that he says he didn’t turn the sound off on the monitor and will not take any responsibility for that.
He asked, “Why didn’t you turn it back on?” As if it’s all my responsibility. I told him I had been up all night, as usual, and maybe I wouldn’t have slept through it if he would help in the middle of the night. He just said I’m making excuses.
I feel horrible enough and have been crying all morning because I feel like a terrible mom. Our daughter is fine and happy now. I’m nursing her as I type this.
My fiancé consistently sleeps through the sound of our daughter crying, and I’m almost always the one to get up, so why is he making me feel worse when he knows I already feel like garbage? I’ve tried apologizing over and over, but he won’t listen to me and tells me he’s done talking to me for the rest of the day. What can I do?! I want to make this right, but I feel like I’m in a losing battle no matter what.
Help! Am I a bad mom?!
People came to support the mother.
- You are not a bad mom. You have a bad partner. Do you have anyone you can go stay with with the baby? You need support right now. © Tiny_Cardiologist263 / Reddit
- As a dad who took turns getting up in the middle of the night to feed, change diapers, etc., for three kids, your fiancé is a selfish jerk. You are exhausted. He is making no effort to help. You have done nothing wrong. Let that sink in. You. Have. Done. Nothing. Wrong. You’re probably even dealing with postpartum. I’m sorry you have to raise two kids by yourself. © AdunfromAD / Reddit
- You are not a bad mom, but your fiancé is being a terrible significant other and father. He needs to step up and help out. It shouldn’t be all on you. He didn’t have to come home. A phone call would be just fine. I think he is projecting the fact that he doesn’t do anything on you. © Billros23 / Reddit
- You’re fine. My baby rolled over and fell off the bed. My child fell off the swing set. There are all sorts of things that happen with kids. Crying a little won’t hurt them. They’re hardier than you think. Your fiancé needs to step up, though. © paleopierce / Reddit
As we observe, numerous factors may contribute to the labeling of a woman as a bad mother, including judgments based on the tattoos on the new mom’s body.