Raising children is a challenging responsibility, which is why the decision to have kids should be a deliberate and personal choice. However, life can sometimes throw unexpected challenges your way, leaving you with no alternative. Such was the case for a Reddit user who found herself contemplating divorce due to the demands of parenting.
I (F29) knew from a young age I didn’t ever want to have or raise children. I met my husband in college, and he was decidedly child-free too. We got married a couple of years back.
My husband’s younger sister (F24) has three kids (M5, M & F 2) with different deadbeat guys. Two months ago she left all of them at our house, said she was going on an errand and never came back. Just left. We filed a report and everything. Last we heard she was safe but did not want to come back.
My husband’s mom is a minimum-wage worker barely scraping by. She used to be a single mom and did not want to raise these kids.
I don’t want to raise them either. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for them. But raising kids is a huge responsibility I don’t want to take up.
In the 2 months they were here, our expense has increased, we had to buy them clothes and stuff, and they are sleeping in our living room on air mattresses (we only have one bedroom). I had to work from home and look after them cause my husband could not get them and daycare for 3 is expensive. It has been really rough, to say the least.
CPS did get involved and asked us whether we wanted to keep the kids or not. I do not. I thought my husband would be on the same page, but he wants to keep the kids. CPS has asked us to decide quickly and make necessary changes (get a bigger home for one).
My husband and I have gone back and forth on this. I cannot live the next 16 years like this. Raising kids is hard. And expensive. But he wants to be there for his family. Which I get.
So yesterday I told him I want a divorce. Quickly, before he made any commitments and dragged me into it with him. He got offended that I divorced him over kids. For abandoning him when he needed me.
I told him he knew my boundaries well in advance and this was a commitment (children) that he was unilaterally deciding on.
It’s evident that both individuals are affected by this situation. The man didn’t anticipate his sister’s sudden disappearance, and he finds himself unable to leave his nephews and niece. On the other hand, the woman initially had no desire to have children, but now she’s faced with the responsibility of raising them. Online discussions reflect a variety of perspectives on this matter.
- If you want to shut this down with your husband, ask him who he thinks is going to stay at home and take care of all three of these kids since you can’t afford daycare. I would tell him that if I’m allowed to go to work and he’s going to stay at home and take care of the kids, then there’s no problem. You know very well he’s not going to agree to that. © Snowybird60 / Reddit
- Your sister-in-law is an awful person. I can understand nephews and neices have your husband in family/broody mode. But you had the discussion early in your relationship and this sounds like it would be torture for you. © GlassMotor9670 / Reddit
- You had this crazy idea that you would get to remain child free, when you married someone who also wanted to be child free. It’s not like you’re not agreeing on what temp to set the furnace, or what color to paint the kitchen. This is about as HUGE as it gets, and he made the choice he made, without caring about your feelings. © Patrickosplayhouse / Reddit
- The alternative is also bad for the children unfortunately as well. Foster care is a joke. The best thing is for the wife to divorce and leave the house to the husband. I can’t fault either of them. Nah. © moonandsunandstars / Reddit
Taking care of children is a substantial responsibility, and locating someone willing to assist can prove to be quite a challenge. For example, another online user recounted an incident where her mother never offered to babysit her child and even declined to do so during an emergency.
