My Dad Flatly Refuses to Pay for My Wedding, Even Though He Covered My Sister’s

Michelle, a young woman facing a difficult and emotional situation, is struggling with her father’s decision to withhold financial support for her wedding. This comes as a sharp contrast to the generous contribution he made to her sister’s extravagant celebration just a year ago.

Here is Michelle’s letter:

Hi, Now I’ve Seen Everything!

I’m not sure how to handle a situation at home, and I need help. My dad is outright refusing to pay for my wedding, which is honestly confusing. He covered my sister’s wedding last year, and it was extravagant.

Now it’s my turn, and suddenly he claims he doesn’t have the money. My sister is his biological daughter, but he’s always treated us equally — at least, that’s how it’s been until now. When I asked him why, he just sighed deeply and said, “Look, your sister’s wedding cost me a small fortune. I didn’t expect to be paying for another one so soon.”

He gave a half-shrug, as if he was trying to be reasonable but didn’t feel the need to offer much of an explanation. “I’m not made of money, you know. And, well... that wedding was her big day. It’s different now.” I just sat there, trying to swallow my disappointment and ignoring the sting of hearing him call hers the “big day.” Am I wrong for feeling hurt because he won’t help me the way he helped her?

XOXO,
Michelle

Communicate openly but calmly.

If you’re comfortable, try having a calm and open conversation with your father about how his decision has made you feel. Focus on expressing your emotions without accusing him. For example, you could say, “I felt hurt when you mentioned that my sister’s wedding was her big day because it made me feel less valued.” This way, he has a chance to explain his perspective and perhaps recognize your feelings.

Recognize and validate your emotions.

It’s essential to recognize that your feelings of disappointment and hurt are valid. Give yourself permission to feel this way instead of trying to brush it aside. Journaling or discussing your emotions with someone you trust can help you process these feelings in a healthy way, which can reduce any resentment and clarify your thoughts.

Try to understand his perspective without excusing it.

Although it might feel unfair, there could be various reasons behind your father’s decision, such as financial issues or the subtle pressure to fulfill societal expectations for his biological daughter’s wedding. Understanding his point of view doesn’t imply agreement, but it can help soften the hurt and make it easier to manage your relationship with him.

Set practical expectations and explore alternative solutions.

Accepting that he may not contribute could be painful but also empowering, as it allows you to shift focus toward creative, alternative solutions. Consider how you could plan a wedding that aligns with your own values and financial means, even if it doesn’t mirror your sister’s. This approach can help make the experience feel uniquely yours.

Concentrate on nurturing your relationship beyond the event.

Try to consider your father’s decision within the larger context of your relationship. While this moment may be disappointing, it’s important to evaluate whether this behavior is part of a pattern or a rare lapse in judgment. Reflecting on your overall connection with him can help you determine how to move forward in a way that feels right for you and allows you to preserve the relationship if that’s your goal.

On the eve of her wedding, Lynn also faced a difficult decision: whether to have her dad or her stepdad attend the celebration. She made her choice, but later regretted it as she became aware of the consequences.