A woman, 35, has recently shared a troubling incident involving her family. She is divorced and has a young daughter who remains in contact with the woman’s ex-husband and his new girlfriend. Everything seemed fine until one day, when the mother discovered a concerning detail about her daughter’s interactions with her ex-husband’s new partner. Finding this behavior highly inappropriate and even shocking, she wrote to us, seeking our readers’ opinions on the situation.
A 35-year-old woman named Vanessa recently wrote to our editorial team seeking advice on a complex situation. She feels she has every right to be angry about what happened to her young daughter. However, she is also concerned about not hurting anyone’s feelings with her reaction.
The woman began her letter, saying, “My husband Josh and I split a year ago. Our divorce was so amicable that others might even envy how smoothly and delicately we handled everything. Neither of us had feelings for each other anymore, and we stayed together solely for the sake of our young daughter, Miranda. Eventually, we both wanted to start new relationships with other people and felt it was time to move on from our marriage.”
Vanessa shared, “We both put a lot of effort to ensure that our divorce wouldn’t take a toll on our daughter Miranda. Both of us have been spending a lot of time with the kid, participating in all her activities and making her the Queen of our souls, just like it was before. Miranda is a very smart little girl, we know she did understand that something was happening between us, but as soon as our behavior towards her didn’t change, she was quite relaxed about the whole thing.”
Both spouses embarked on new relationships with other people.
Vanessa continued her narrative, explaining, “I am now dating a man, Frank, who’s not introduced to Miranda yet. I just decided to wait a little bit before I do it, because I need to make sure that everything is serious between us. My ex also has a girlfriend, they’ve been in a relationship for 5 months. I haven’t met her in person, but Miranda does visit them, and I didn’t have any objections about their communication. On the contrary, I was happy that they bonded to such an extent that Miranda was praising Kylie (the girlfriend) and she does like her.”
Vanessa clarified, “To avoid any misunderstanding, I was genuinely pleased that my daughter had another positive female influence in her life. I even looked forward to meeting Kylie in person one day to express my gratitude for her positive impact on our daughter. I harbor no jealousy and feel completely at ease with Kylie being part of my ex-husband’s and my daughter’s life. However, there was one aspect that did upset and disappoint me.”
Vanessa uncovered an unsettling detail regarding her daughter’s interaction with the girlfriend.
Vanessa elaborated further, sharing, “Miranda often visits her dad and Kylie, and she adores spending time with them. Her dad comes to pick her up 3 times a week, sometimes even more often. I always know where they’ve been together and what they’ve done, this is important for me, and my ex-husband knows about this, so he tells me about their activities and Miranda adds up some nice details, too.”
The woman disclosed, “I know that Kylie would sometimes take care of Miranda in many ways, like combing her hair or buying her some lingerie. I was okay with that. But last week, Miranda went to visit them and when she came home, I could see that something was wrong with the kid.”
Vanessa revealed, “When I asked Miranda, very carefully, what happened to her and why she was so sad, she told me that she lost her rubber duckling and that’s why she was so disappointed. I asked her why she ever took her rubber duckling to her dad’s place, because this duckling was meant only for taking baths and showers, this was my little daughter’s habit. But, as far as I knew, she didn’t take it anywhere except to the shower. And this was the moment when Miranda told me that Kylie bathed her. And this happened many times, and this time they lost her duckling somewhere in Kylie’s bathroom.”
Vanessa is deeply troubled by the incident and is determined to voice her opinion.
I'm confused. This woman has referred to her daughter" as the "kid" a few times; has referenced the girlfriend buying her "lingerie"; and then referred the the child as her "infant" daughter! How old is this little girl? If she's an infant, then she should be bathed every day! If she's older and the rubber duck is something that is used in her bath at your home, how did it get to the ex's anyway? And if you have approved of every other interaction she has had with the girlfriend, why is this such an issue? Why isn't it as simple as letting your ex know you'd like to meet and get to know his girlfriend? I think this woman is making a big deal out of something that doesn't have to go to this extreme. If everything was some amicable, why should it change now?
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Vanessa expressed her frustration, stating, “I’m deeply upset that Kylie bathed my daughter without my consent, and what’s worse, it seems to have become a regular occurrence. This wasn’t a one-time emergency situation; it’s become routine in their interactions with my infant daughter. I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable about this. I firmly believe that boundaries regarding bathing my child should be respected unless it’s absolutely necessary in an emergency.”
The woman emphasized, “I’m extremely supportive of Kylie being involved in any other less intimate aspects while communicating with our child, but I feel like I need to openly express my concerns and forbid her to bathe Miranda. Do you think I am overreacting? Should I express my thoughts to my ex-husband or Kylie directly, or should I ignore the whole thing and pretend that I don’t care? What would you do if you were in my shoes?”
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