My Husband Left Me. And Now He’s Asking To Come Back Because He Has Cancer

4 months ago

Betrayal by a spouse, divorce, and property division are incredibly challenging times that require a long recovery. However, sometimes the divorce is not the end. A woman shared her story on Reddit about her ex-husband, who left four years ago in search of a younger wife, now wanting to come back because he is diagnosed with cancer and wishes his ex-wife to take care of him.

woman got into a conflict with her kids due to her refusal to help her ex.

My ex-husband and I had 3 children (25F, 23F and 22M). We separated 4 years ago after he said he was tired of seeing my old face every day and wanted to find someone younger (his words to my face when asking for divorce). The divorce was a mess, he tried in every way to take everything I had, and I even had to take on half of his debts. Long story short, I never talked to him again face to face, and we only talk through lawyers when it’s something about our children.

Months ago, from my children, I found out that he was diagnosed with cancer, and it is in an advanced stage. I didn’t say anything more about it, because any topic related to him doesn’t appeal to me, but I decided to support my children and stay by their side.

Yesterday, my 3 children (all live with me) sat down with me telling me that their father could no longer work (chemo + cancer) and wouldn’t be able to stay in his current home, so he had nowhere to live, and they would like for him to live here in these last stages. I immediately said no and that I felt offended that I had even been asked that question, knowing how much he and I dislike each other.

They started to argue, saying that our house was his last option, because his relatives couldn’t, and they didn’t want to leave their father without a home and that I should think about them. I asked who would take care of him when things got worse, because all three of them work outside the home and I work from home, or who would cover all of his financial and medical expenses. They didn’t know how to answer and that they would decide between the 3 of them to help their father and not be so burdensome for me and that the 3 of them were willing to let their father live in our house.

I said that despite valuing their opinion on any other matter in the house, this matter is my decision alone, and it remains no. They called me heartless and said that they are just trying to give their father a place to live, not my ex-husband. And I was being petty about all the things he did and not thinking about them.

They’re still pressuring me to change my mind, especially with their father only having 15 more days in his house, but I can’t feel anything other than offended that they asked that, knowing how much the divorce messed with me (depression and anxiety). My ex got in touch on my personal number, asking to rethink and leave the past behind just in these last moments. Funny that he asked me, but not his exes much younger than me.

Netizens agreed with the poster.

  • At 22–25 years old, kids are old enough to realize it’s an unreasonable ask of their mother and to make their own sacrifices to take care of him if they want to. Not to expect mommy to do it for them. People live on their own at that age. It’s kind and caring their mom is letting them live at home until they’re ready to be off on their own. They should appreciate that. She’s not stopping them from helping their father or trying to discourage them for doing so. She just understandably doesn’t want it done in her home, on her time and on her dime. © exscapegoat / Reddit
  • If adult kids see their mother like their personal slave whose feelings do not matter, whose value lies only in her ability to be useful for others, and who is obliged to provide for everybody who happens to want her unpaid labor, property, on money, well, it is better to just kick out such kids. Kids can rent a 4-bedroom apartment and move together with their daddy. Two can work full-time jobs and pay bills, the third can take care of their father. There is only so much exploitation and emotional abuse a mother should tolerate. There is a point where kids moving out and going low contact. © AndreasAvester / Reddit
  • You two have three adult children. If they feel dear old dad needs looking after in his final moments, then they can move in with him or move into a place with him and rearrange their lives to care for him on a rotating basis. Three adult incomes plus his equity/pension/disability should be enough for them to manage it. Of course that means sacrificing their own time, space and money, rather than yours, so they might not want to go for that. Your kids are probably getting a lot of psychological pressure from their dad, but they should be old enough to recognize that it’s unfair and manipulative and should not be putting this to you at all. Shut this down and if they try to guilt you, offer to help them find a place. You are not the bad guy. He was the one who didn’t want to do, ’in sickness and in health, till death do us part.’ This is not up for discussion or debate. © Alternative_Boat9540 / Reddit
  • You owe him nothing — you spoke only through lawyers after a contentious divorce, no way in hell could you both exist under the same roof. Cancer is an awful, awful disease, and in their last stages it completely ravages a person. You do not have to take on that burden for someone who hurt you. © tacobelloboutit / Reddit
  • Tell the kids to find him a hospice that they can visit or find a way to put him up themselves because there is no way you are leaving that man back into your house. It is unfair of them to ask you and for him to try to guilt you into it. © d****andtaxes2023 / Reddit
  • I’d bet my last pennies that if it were you with the cancer, he wouldn’t care. He left you because you were «old», there’s no way he wouldn’t drop you if you had cancer. Your kids are old enough that if they want him taken care of, they can do it themselves. © Famous_Connection_91 / Reddit
  • Your children are all old enough and work, if they want to help him in his last days, they can rent a house or apartment and take care of him. He is no longer your responsibility, and why would he want to see «your old face» for his last days? © Unknown author / Reddit

Dealing with ex-partners is always challenging, especially when there are shared children involved. Here’s a compilation of stories about difficult exes.

Preview photo credit Thirdman / Pexels


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