All mothers care a great deal about their children and try their best to be supportive of them in every way that they can. However, some children can be ungrateful, always wanting more without showing gratitude. This particular mother went above and beyond for her adult daughter. She was there for her, provided for her safety, and even helped her financially. But her daughter's irresponsible actions and neglect of her own children gave the mother pause for thought and action. Here's how it happened.
I agree that you should have put your foot down 2 years ago. But now that she's trashing you online to friends and family, I'd call your family and explain how she burned through YOUR retirement savings and may soon burn through your husband's savings. Forget about the opinions of her online friends, and help her make a plan to move out to a suitable place.
You should have done this 2 1/2 years ago!!! They need to be accountable and take care of their family...you shouldn't be responsible for their choices.
Get Out Now
Do whatever is legal in your state to get her out the door, no guilt they have none, on the way out the door give them a grocery card, then cut off contact if you need to for awhile until they are stable, this is their wake up call if they decide to take it,
you've put up with the idiocy of that, far longer than I would have. Buy things for the kids if you want, but if they can procreate, they need to create a family life.
Dear Shona, your letter touched on an issue many families face: the balance between love, support, and personal boundaries. Your sacrifices are evident, as is your deep love for your daughter and her family. Yet, it’s also clear you’re at a crossroads, grappling with feelings of exhaustion, financial strain, and a need for change. We hope this response offers perspective, reassurance, and practical guidance as you navigate this challenging situation.
For over three years, you and your husband have been a safety net for your daughter’s family. Opening your home to six grandchildren, your daughter, and her partner reflects incredible generosity and love. However, it’s natural for such an arrangement to take a toll. Financial contributions, emotional support, and shared living spaces can blur the lines between helping and enabling. It’s clear that you feel your resources — both emotional and financial — are nearing their limit. This is not a sign of failure but a reflection of human capacity. Recognizing your boundaries is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness.
Your decision to give your daughter a two-month timeline to move out is undoubtedly a hard one. It’s understandable to question if this makes you a “bad mother.” But boundaries are not inherently unkind; they provide structure and accountability. Without them, your daughter and her partner may never feel the urgency to take full responsibility for their family. That said, the delivery of this boundary is as crucial as the boundary itself. A conversation framed around shared goals and collaboration might soften the blow and pave the way for cooperation. For example, instead of emphasizing “moving out,” focus on “planning for their independence.”
Your daughter’s announcement of another pregnancy, while joyous for her, understandably brought mixed emotions for you. It’s not unreasonable to question the practicality of expanding a family when finances and living conditions are already strained. This doesn’t diminish the beauty of a new life but underscores the importance of readiness and stability. Offering resources such as financial counseling or helping them create a realistic budget could be a middle ground. Encouraging self-reliance doesn’t mean you love them less; it means you’re helping them build a foundation for lasting stability.
The reaction on social media is understandably hurtful, especially given the sacrifices you’ve made. It’s easy for outsiders to judge without understanding the full story. While you can’t control others’ opinions, you can choose how to respond. Consider a calm, factual clarification if you feel it’s necessary, or let the comments stand as a reminder that others may not know the depth of your support. Reassure your daughter privately that your love hasn’t wavered, even if the current arrangement must change. This distinction between love and logistics is vital to communication.
To move forward, we encourage a family meeting. Invite open dialogue, emphasizing that this is not about rejection but about fostering independence. Explore practical solutions together, like subsidized housing options, government aid, or even splitting responsibilities for their transition. Including your husband’s perspective can also provide balance and solidarity. A compromise might be necessary; perhaps an extended timeline paired with clear expectations could ease tensions. The key is to act from a place of love while holding firm to your boundaries.
Shona, you are not a bad mother. You’ve given generously, and now you’re asking for the space to reclaim your life while ensuring your daughter’s family takes the steps they need. Love sometimes means making hard decisions for the betterment of everyone involved. By setting boundaries with compassion and clarity, you’re not pushing them away — you’re helping them grow. Trust that your family’s bond is strong enough to withstand this challenge and emerge even stronger on the other side.
Discover the story of a bride who was humiliated by her husband on her wedding day, leaving her no choice but to cancel the ceremony.
