I Revealed the Truth About My Wife When I Wanted To Adopt Her Son

2 weeks ago

Not everyone is willing to raise someone else’s child, and many men avoid relationships with single mothers. But not Adam, who wrote us a letter full of pain. The thing is, he adores his stepson and dreams of adopting him. However, his wife’s reaction was a shock to him.

Adam and his wife have built a nice and happy family together.

Adam, 37, wrote that he decided to share his story with us and our readers, because he needs more opinions and pieces of advice from other people. The man feels totally lost because he thinks that his purest intentions towards his stepson have been ignored and belittled, and Adam believes that there’s no justice in his family about a sensitive topic of him adopting his wife’s son.

The man opened his letter, saying, “Hi! I want to share my problem with you, and I hope that there are many people among your subscribers, who’ll find my issue relatable, and probably your readers will give me some good piece of advice on what I can do about the current mess that I’m facing because of my wife’s point of view.”

Adam goes on, giving us more details about his family life. The man wrote, “My wife Stella and I have been happily married for over 5 years now. Apparently, we both had some relationships in the past, and we’re both fine with that fact. However, Stella has come into my life with her 1-year-old son from her previous relationship, and I thought it was wonderful, I was nothing but happy about this little boy coming to my life together with my beloved woman.”

Adam and his son fell in love with each other instantly.

Adam shared, “Stella’s son, Ryan, was a wonderful and an absolutely adorable baby. I had been dreaming of having a child of my own throughout all my grown up life, but life had other plans, as I’m infertile due to the complications of some illness I had when I was 17. I’ve been in the life of the little boy since he was 1 year old, and being his dad was a blessing for me.
I took care of him equally with his mom, I did everything that a loving dad would do. I woke up when he was crying in the night, I changed his nappies, I fed him, I spent a lot of time with him, investing all my effort in his development. I was happy about every single milestone that Ryan achieved, and of course I was a financial provider for both him and his mom from the start. We bonded instantly, and I adore him with all my heart. He is my son and my sunshine.”

Adam added that Ryan’s biological father is not in the picture. The man wrote, “Ryan’s dad has never shown any interest in his son. Stella told me that she barely knew him when they had a swift relationship without any obligations and expectations from each other. When she found out she was pregnant, she announced the news to Ryan’s bio dad, but he wasn’t impressed and asked her to make her own decision about whether to have a baby or not. And he vanished forever.”

Adam wants to adopt Ryan legally, but there’s a problem.

Adam goes on with his story, saying, “As long as Ryan and I are very close, and he calls me dad, I’ve always wanted to adopt him legally. I didn’t push with this matter initially, because I understood that Stella may need some time to get used to our new family, and she might also want to observe how our relationship with Ryan is developing.
Since everything was going even better than we all expected, I thought it was natural to finally bring this subject to the surface. So, I suggested to my wife that I totally must adopt Ryan and make it legal for our whole family.”

“I expected some nice and positive reaction from her. I thought this would even be a huge and pleasant surprise for her. I sincerely believed that she would be happy about my intentions towards the boy.
But, to my shock, she persistently denied my suggestion from the start. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard an ultimate ’No!’ from her and saw her going totally mad about me even mentioning it. She treated my plans for adopting Ryan as an offense, and I couldn’t figure out what made her so much negative about this.”

Adam confronted his wife about her denial, and now the man wants a divorce.

Adam goes on with his story, saying, “I immediately asked Stella to give me her reasons for such an unexpected reaction of hers. At first, she didn’t want to discuss it at all, saying that she has some private reasons to be so resentful. But then, I seriously confronted her, and I was so persistent that she finally gave up and told me that she believes the decision to make it legal should be up to her son Ryan, but she wants to wait till he is old enough to make that decision on his own.”

“I think Stella’s reasoning is completely silly. Apart from that, Stella’s friend told me that she doesn’t want to make it legal because if we divorce, Stella doesn’t want to have to fight me for custody over Ryan.
I’m mad and devastated at my wife’s reactions, beliefs and ultimatums. I want to divorce, because I think such a life is totally pointless, we have no trust in the family and it’s heartbreaking. The only thing that keeps our family afloat now is my relationship with Ryan, and I’m afraid to lose him if I split with Stella. What should I do?”

Try to solve the problem.

Certainly, you feel hurt and offended because your pure intentions were misunderstood. However, before cutting off relations, you should try to salvage them. Talk calmly with your wife, without mutual accusations and scandals. Perhaps you’ll be able to hear each other’s arguments and understand your partner’s point of view.

If this doesn’t help, consider consulting a family psychologist. Since your wife fears divorce and custody disputes, the breakup of past relationships likely left a deeper mark on her than it may have seemed. She may fear the seriousness of your intentions. Discuss this with a specialist.

Here’s what our readers think about this situation.

  • That’s the problem every man faces with having relationships with single parents. If you split up, you also lose the relationship with the son. Divorce is the only solution to protect yourself from certain grief from the distrust. Almost a guaranteed red flag for the relationship. If she cannot see a future with you in her son’s life, you are better to cut her loose now rather than later. This is why single mothers are a bad idea. © Adrian Lemke / Facebook
  • I think I would be afraid to lose time with the son in a divorce situation. The man is infertile and has now a son. He would fight hard if they come to a divorce. © Solveig Hartvig / Facebook
  • I can’t blame him for feeling betrayed by her reaction. He’s been raising her son and treating him as his own. He’s the only father the boy has ever known. She’s being very selfish, but she obviously doesn’t trust him, It’s a shame. They need to see a therapist to try to sort it out. They can’t do anything about the child unless they have a solid relationship. © Elyria Bird Crowe / Facebook
  • Perhaps it came as a shock to her maybe she needs time to adjust perhaps you could both work it out if you were happy before it’s the little boy who loses out, Also feeble excuses for divorce that’s the issue now folk don’t want to work at marriages© Amanda Glover / Facebook

The breadth of the human soul sometimes knows no bounds. Here’s the story of a woman who adopted her husband’s ex-wife’s child.

Preview photo credit stocksnap


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