I Stopped Giving Money to My Parents — My Mother’s Reaction Was Absolutely Disgusting

From a young age, we’re taught that our parents sacrificed so much for us — that giving back is not just kind, it’s expected. And for many, that sense of duty feels right, especially once we’re financially secure. But what if that giving starts to feel less like love and more like obligation? What if the support we offer is quietly assumed, even demanded? One man believed he was honoring his parents — until a moment with his mother shattered that belief and forced him to see things in a whole new light.

Here’s his letter to our editodial.

Hi, Now I’ve Seen Everything!

I’ve always given a part of my salary to my parents. After our first child was born, I told them, “Money’s tight right now. You’ll need to take care of yourselves.” They both said they understood.

The next day, I was shocked when my mom suddenly came to us and I found my wife in tears after her visit. She said, “Your mother is asking for a summer trip she’s planning with her friends. She said she already bought the tickets and would lose everything if we didn’t help.”

I sent a small, one-time amount to help with the cancellation fees, just to keep the peace. But she never thanked me. Instead, she went online and posted about “how some people forget who raised them the moment they start their own family.”

A few days later, my dad called. He said she wasn’t speaking to anyone. That I had “broken her heart.”

I love my parents, I really do. But I have to put my wife and son first. Does that make me selfish?

Sorry you’re going through such a difficult time — hang in there. Family bonds can be tested, but they often grow stronger through challenges. Here are a few fresh tips we’ve put together that might help shift things in a positive direction.

Be clear with your wife that she comes first.

• Let her know you’re on her side and that her feelings matter. A simple, heartfelt message like, “I know that was hard to hear. I’m here for you, and you and our child come first,” can go a long way. It builds trust and shows you’re fully committed to your family.

Have a direct and calm conversation with your mom.

• Explain how your financial situation has changed now that you have a child. Be honest, not apologetic.
  Say something like, “I understand this is disappointing, but we have new responsibilities. We’re adjusting too. I’m still here for you emotionally, but money is limited.”

If your dad is more level-headed, try using him as a bridge to help ease the tension.

• He might be able to help get the message across. Something like, “I don’t want this to damage our relationship, but I need you to help her understand that I have to prioritize my new family. It’s not rejection — it’s responsibility.”

Don’t send any more money “just to keep the peace”

• It sets a pattern that emotional pressure leads to results. Instead, be firm and kind, “That one-time help was just to reduce the loss, not a restart of regular support. I can’t afford more.”

Consider muting or limiting your exposure to guilt-tripping posts online.

• If your mom keeps posting things that hurt you or your wife, consider muting her posts. You’re not ignoring her — you’re protecting your peace. You can say, “It’s difficult to see those comments. I’d prefer we talk directly instead of through vague posts.”

Look for small, non-monetary ways to show you care.

• A phone call, a short visit, or sending photos of your child can remind your parents you still value them, even if you can’t offer money. It shifts the focus from cash to connection.

Don’t doubt your priorities — this is what growth feels like.

You’re not selfish. You’re stepping up as a provider, protector, and parent — which means making tough decisions. You can love your parents while no longer being their financial safety net.

Putting your wife and child first isn’t just reasonable — it’s essential. This is a deeply emotional and complex transition that many people face when moving from being cared for to becoming the primary caregiver and leader of a family.