My MIL Wants a DNA Test for My Son To Prove I Cheated. But My Response Left Her Stunned

4 months ago

Rachel from Indiana reached out to us. She is a young woman, happily married and recently became a mother. Her life is overshadowed by difficult relations with her mother-in-law. Recently, the mother-in-law demanded a DNA test, convinced that Rachel cheated on her son and the child isn’t his. However, Rachel laid down a strict condition.

Rachel is happily married.

My name is Rachel, 28, and I crossed paths with my husband, Mark, who is 30, at a mutual friend’s birthday gathering. The spark between us was instant, and shortly after, we started dating, which has led to five years of wedded bliss. We now share the joy of parenting our 4-month-old son.

My first encounter with Mark’s mother, Susan, took place at the funeral of his uncle, where he requested my support. Prior to attending, Mark’s cousin offered a heads-up about Susan’s high standards and judgmental nature.

Although Mark admitted to his mother’s critical tendencies, he assured me not to be overly concerned, promising his unconditional support.

However, the warning turned out to be an understatement, as Susan proved to be quite challenging.

She created a scene at the funeral, questioning my presence as a «stranger,» but Mark intervened, explaining his aunt’s approval. Throughout the event, Susan threw disapproving glances at me and made passive-aggressive comments, setting a precedent for future conflicts.

Despite limited contact, Mark eventually shared the news of my pregnancy with Susan. Anticipating a negative reaction, we were pleasantly surprised when she took the news well, expressing genuine excitement about becoming a grandmother.

Her behavior changed drastically, and despite my hesitations, I let her visit.

But things got tense during the delivery when she demanded to be there, leading to a clash that ended with her being asked to leave. I stood firm on restricting home visits, and Mark completely backed me up on this.

Susan phoned, tearfully apologizing and blaming her overwhelming emotions about becoming a grandmother for her actions. Despite my doubts, I gave in. During her initial visit, she praised our son’s beauty. However, the mood turned when, in my short absence, Mark had to ask her to leave.

She had suggested a DNA test for our baby, arguing that she couldn’t see any family resemblance.

Susan started spreading rumours about me and writing on social media that I was a liar and a cheat. The climax came when she demanded a paternity test because she was convinced that I didn’t get pregnant by my husband. I refused to tolerate this and replied that I would only take a DNA test if she proved that Mark was her biological son. So tell me, NISE, if I am wrong.

Response from NISE

Hi Rachel! Thank you for reaching out to us at NISE. We’re truly sorry to hear about your situation and are here to offer advice for you to consider moving forward.

  • Deepen Communication with Mark: Have deeper, more frequent discussions with your husband about how Susan’s behavior affects you both. Understanding each other’s feelings fully can help you make decisions together and ensure that Mark is fully aware of the impact his mother’s actions have on your family’s well-being.
  • Strategic Responses: Plan ahead for potential scenarios with Susan. For example, if she brings up the DNA test topic again, have a calm, prepared response. This avoids being caught off guard and helps in managing the conversation effectively.
  • Boundaries with Compassion: While it’s crucial to set firm boundaries, try to communicate them to Susan with empathy. Acknowledge her feelings, but clearly state your limits. For instance, “We understand you’re concerned, but we’re not comfortable with a DNA test, and our decision should be respected.”
  • Explore Family Dynamics: Take time to understand the family dynamics from Mark’s perspective. His insights into his mother’s behavior might help you navigate the relationship more effectively. Also, consider if there’s a pattern in Susan’s behavior that might be addressed in family counseling.
  • Documenting Incidents: Keep a record of any significant incidents, especially those involving false accusations or social media posts. This can be valuable if the situation escalates, and you need to seek legal advice or mediation.
  • Self-Care and Support Networks: Don’t neglect your own mental and emotional well-being. Lean on friends, family, or support groups who understand your situation. Taking care of yourself is crucial in dealing with stressful family dynamics.

The situation is unusual, and we decided to ask our readers for advice on how they would suggest Rachel handle it:

  • Just ignore the silly woman. She’s toxic. © Sarah Huddleston / Facebook
  • Fight fire with fire. If you think I’m a cheater, I now think you’re the cheater. Cheaters are always the first to accuse the innocent person. © Cassandra Stevenson / Facebook
  • No worries. Get a DNA test and wave it in her face. Then tell her to mind her own business because you and her son are not breaking up. She just made your commitment to each other stronger. That is unless you have something to hide? © Christy Henney / Facebook
  • Definitely wouldn’t get a DNA test, I would never give her the satisfaction of knowing anything about you and child. © Ann Carroll / Facebook
  • MIL has mental issues. Needs to stay quiet. Needs to learn family isn’t always blood, and if she can’t see that, see need to seek professional help. © Judy Endsley / Facebook
  • I have no idea why some MIL are like this. Why not embrace the woman your son has chosen. You now have the chance to have another daughter. I love my DIL, she is an amazing young woman and has been the making of my son. We have even gone on overseas holidays together. I have already advised her that one day when I pass she gets my $100k car. I am just so grateful for her and everything she does. © Denise Cox / Facebook

We often receive messages from women who have encountered difficulties in their relationships with their mothers-in-law. Here is the story of another reader, whose mother-in-law started treating her granddaughter with folk remedies.

Preview photo credit Ralph / Pixexid


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