My Mother-in-Law Offered to Babysit Her Granddaughter, but She Wants Money in Return

Stories
4 months ago

Having a child is no easy task. While in the past raising and caring for little ones was considered solely the mother’s job, this has changed over time. In households where both parents work, they must have help to keep the house in order and take care of the baby. Oftentimes, a family member can be the savior to all these problems. However, in Amy’s case, this ended up posing a dilemma for her to solve.

Hi, Amy! Thanks for your letter. We got together here at NISE and discussed your situation. These were the best tips we could come up with.

  • Try to understand why your mother-in-law asks you for payment to take care of her granddaughter. You said that she recently retired, and, according to experts, retirees are worried that their savings will dry up. This could be the reason for her request. The only way to find out is to have an open conversation, which brings us to the next point.
  • Talk to your mother-in-law. Set up an open and honest conversation and calmly and maturely tell her how you feel. Small talk can get derailed and off track, so we’ve put together a 3-step guide to keep the dialogue from turning into a fight/argument.
  • Step 1: Don’t assume your mother-in-law is going to react negatively.
  • Step 2: Say how you feel without having to justify anything. For example, say “I feel misunderstood” instead of “I feel misunderstood because you asked for this and...” By using the former, you invite your mother-in-law into an argument without forcing her to be defensive.
  • Step 3: Emphasize what you do, not what you don’t.
  • Qualified strangers or caring relatives — which would you choose? Remember that hiring a qualified babysitter is probably more expensive than what your mother-in-law would ask for. Think about how you and your husband would feel most comfortable. Also, keep in mind that your mother-in-law raised the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, so she must have done a lot of things right in terms of parenting.
  • Try looking for other solutions. A nursery has its own ups and downs, like higher costs and stress, plus it can mean more work for both parents (such as taking the baby to and from childcare). In addition, there will be days when your daughter will have to stay home, and then you will have to find someone you can count on to babysit her at the last minute.
  • Most grandparents don’t expect to be paid for babysitting, but it’s entirely reasonable to compensate for their time. Taking care of a child can be a full-time job. Feeding them, changing them, and watching over them at all times are not easy tasks, especially for the elderly.

We hope that these tips will ease your situation and that whatever happens, your relationship with your mother-in-law will only change for the better.

Who did you turn to when you needed help with your child? What would you do if a relative asked you for money in exchange for taking care of your kids?

Comments

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Oh my goodness. Pay her! She’s retired. She raised her kids. She sounds awesome. Watching kids all day is exhausting. If she needs the money, she’ll end up resigning as your babysitter and maid to get a different job. Then your kids will be in the care of strangers. And you will have to clean and cook for yourself. And you will still have to pay. Good Lord!

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I always told my husband we will have to care for our kids if we both work. Either have opposite schedule or something that works for us. Our parents did our job to raise us and I’m not having them help us take care of our kids. Now a days grandparents end up raising their grandchildren and don’t enjoy being a GRANDPARENT. We decided to have children. We have to raise them. Pay her and stop taking advantage of her. You’re only looking for an excuse and no one agrees with you.

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Well if she is trying to help you guys in need than why can’t u return the favor by helping her, after all she is an old lady. Instead of working outside she decided to work at your place so you guys get that peace of mind and she will get some money for herself, its two for one and its good she is not asking for money from your husband without giving something in return, what if it was your mother helping you sis in law and your brother, wouldn’t u want your sis in law to pay for her hard work at this age

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What is wrong with you?? I can’t believe you are upset with her when all she is asking is some money for not ONLY BABYSITTING A BABY, but is also COOKING AND CLEANING for you???? You are truly a spoiled rude little brat! You owe HER And your HUSBAND a BIG Apology!! Pay the poor woman or hire a nanny, a cleaning lady and a cook!!

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