My Boyfriend’s Ex Left a Letter for Me, I Want to Leave Him After Reading It

It’s truly heartwarming when women uplift one another, no matter if they know each other or not. In this case, a woman decided to leave a discreet note for her ex’s new partner, sharing some insights from her own time with him. The unexpected gesture caught the new girlfriend off guard, and she turned to Reddit to share the story.

The woman shared her story in a Reddit post.

She wrote, "My boyfriend, Steve, and I have been together for 2 years and have been living together for the past 8 months. While cleaning our apartment one day, I stumbled upon a hidden letter tucked away in the back of a cabinet. It read:

She continued, “I read the note and brought it to show to him and hear his response. He immediately ripped it up and said not to listen to it, that she was crazy and untrustworthy. I told him that the fact that he hasn’t found it in the 5 years since they broke up is a red flag to me because it does mean he’s never cleaned back there and that he has been cleaning less and less since I moved in.

He told me that it wasn’t a problem before the note, this is just his ex continuing to manipulate and ruin his life and I was letting it work. We continued to argue along the same lines and I eventually left to spend the night at a friends place.

Steve has been a great boyfriend so far. He gets along with my family. He has given me gifts and flowers and always tells me how much he loves me. He’s not wrong that the cleaning hasn’t really been brought up before, the note made me realize it had been less and less and that we needed to have a full conversation. He texted me afterwards saying he’s sorry that I felt like I had to leave but that it’s an asshole move for me to take a note over our 2 year relationship and to leave him and our pets alone.”

The woman explained what was the real situation with cleaning, “When we moved in together 8 months ago, the cleaning was 50/50. Since then, he’s been doing things less and less and I’d say it’s at like 70/30, maybe 60/40 if he listens to me right away (it depends on the week).

I have to remind him to do things like bring his plates to the sink or take out the trash and I didn’t have to before. The dishes will pile up unless I do them, to the point he’s had leftover food mold on the plates.

I’m not a confrontational person so I was just asking him to fix it when it came up. The note made me reflect on it more and try to have an actual full conversation, and I will say I didn’t feel listened to when I talked to him about it. I tried to use the note to start a conversation about cleaning and he got so stuck on that I was listening to his ex instead of him, that he wouldn’t listen to what I think are valid concerns. He thinks I’m letting the note have ‘confirmation bias’ so no matter what he says I’ll think he’s in the wrong.”

People in comments expressed their true opinion.

• I can’t say I would have found that note- but his reaction is the red flag. © blueavole / Reddit
• All he had to do was say “I didn’t realize the cleaning had gotten so out of whack; let’s come up with a plan.” Blaming the “crazy ex” is a real “who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?” move. © Cultural_Shape3518 / Reddit
• Anyone who lets mold grow on plates deserves to be single. I’m surprised you lasted this long. © jesuschin / Reddit
• Ok so here is a list of red flags: called his ex crazy (she might be but most people aren’t) -has been slowly reducing his cleaning (to the point where he won’t even put plates in the sink!) just like the note said -never cleaning in the hiding spot once in five years (just like the note said) -when you tried to talk about it he didn’t listen to you (just like the note said) -proceeded to make this fight your fault for taking the note seriously instead of acknowledging his deteriorating cleanliness (just like the note said).
  I’d be willing to bet money on the note being right. He sounds like the kind of man that will stop doing anything at all the second he’s decided a woman is fully trapped. © Extension_Drummer_85 / Reddit

But then the woman gave an update after reading people’s thoughts.

After some time she decided to talk to her boyfriend once again, and that’s how it ends, “I tried to have a calm discussion with Steve. When I apologized for confronting him with the note, he seemed to take that as an admission of guilt and refused to listen to anything else. I had come up with a list of specific instances of not cleaning like many of you suggested, and he said I was using lists just like his manipulative ex did. So yeah, the crazy ex thing you all said was a red flag was definitely true.

When I realized the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, he even tried to block me from leaving. That’s when I knew it was done and left immediately. 2 years down the drain, but I’m glad I had the wake up call before it was too late.

I will let him cool off and then will ask my brother to come with me to grab my things while he’s not there, he has a strict work schedule so I think it’ll work out. I am planning on leaving a note there, but probably a little longer with the advice to not show it to him. I’m leaving it in the exact same place, so if he doesn’t learn his lesson about cleaning, it’ll come to haunt him. All he has to do is clean.”

She continued, “The biggest surprise out of all of this is that I didn’t reach out to Natalia, she reached out to me. Apparently, he borrowed his friend’s phone to call her screaming that she’s ruining his life still. The fact that she blocked him and he still had her number memorized just further confirms he was the crazy ex, not her.

Natalia found me on social media and wanted to make sure I was okay and was especially concerned that he’d gaslight me like he tried with her. I thanked her for leaving me the note and saving me time. We scheduled coffee for Thursday afternoon.

For now, my friend said I can stay until I find a new place. I have emergency savings and a decent job, so I’m in a privileged place when it comes to this messy break up and am just trying to feel grateful for that.”

Relationships go through many phases, with ups and downs along the way. But sometimes, hidden truths come to light, and they can change everything. When secrets are revealed, it can break the trust you had in your partner, making it hard to believe in them again.