On her wedding day, Lynn faced a tough decision: choosing between her dad and her stepdad to attend the celebration. She made her choice, but later regretted it as she became aware of the consequences. Seeking guidance, she reached out to us.
First of all, sounds like all you cared about was the money for your wedding, I know there expensive , but all the money in the world wouldn't of stopped me from having my stepdad there. Honestly I think you were in the wrong not to tell your bio dad that Tim NEEDED to be there. He didn't have to raise you, he chose to step into that role. I think you need to find a way to make it up, like renew your vows in a small private ceremony that Tim can walk you down the aisle.
Life Lesson Learned. :(
It's never too late if he loves her & I think he does!
You can't all he said is very true I know my kids would have picked there stepdad had he lived unfortunately he was killed only 37yrs old
I’m afraid you can’t
wow that tugged at my heart yet at times under duress we make poor decisions - can it be corrected I am not sure- that cut ran deep as Dan said and I concur - I have made poor choices and owned up to them and accepted full responsibility for my actions no bad feelings a lot of time- best of luck
Maybe you can't. This was a bitter pill he had to swallow, and his response is correct. A sincere apology is a start, but it could be years before the hurt fades. If ever. You placed a financial interest over the years of time and effort he invested in you and he feels as if he was discarded like yesterdays trash. This is an incredibly deep "cut". Good luck.
A real parent, no matter what the kid has done, whether he be biological or adoptive or step, will be ready to forgive because they love the child and will be ready to, eventually, forgive and make it work!!
Thank you, Lynn, for sharing your story with us! We’ve compiled some tips that we trust will prove beneficial.
you can't I think he is done and with good reason
Open up a sincere dialogue with Tim, conveying authentic regret for the hurt caused by his absence from the wedding. Recognize the importance of his place in your life and admit the mistake in placing your father’s desires above his presence.
Extend a genuine apology, affirming your affection and dedication to mend the bond. Stress your eagerness to reconcile and seek his forgiveness, showcasing a readiness to empathize and comprehend his viewpoint.
Organize a memorable event to commemorate your bond with Tim, separate from the wedding. Consider options like a weekend escape to a picturesque location, indulging in a lavish dinner at his preferred eatery, or engaging in an activity that resonates with both of you.
By investing time and energy into enriching your relationship in a significant manner, you can demonstrate to Tim his enduring significance in your life, extending beyond the wedding. Concentrate on crafting delightful experiences together, fostering cherished moments that deepen your rapport and fortify the bedrock of your connection.
You are selfish because you choosed the money for your wedding then the man who showed you love, he is your real dad, it takes more to be a dad then to make a child, your biological father just did the enjoyable part, your step dad us the one who was there to take care of you so he the real one
Consider seeking professional guidance from a family therapist or counselor experienced in addressing complex familial dynamics. Family counseling provides a neutral space for open dialogue and facilitates constructive communication between you, Tim, and your father.
A trained therapist can help navigate feelings of resentment, betrayal, and loss, fostering understanding and reconciliation within the family unit. Through guided discussions and therapeutic techniques, you can explore underlying issues, rebuild trust, and work towards healing fractured relationships.
Inscribe Tim into the fabric of your future milestones and family customs as a symbol of your commitment to reconciliation. Extend invitations to upcoming family gatherings, seek his input in decision-making, and commemorate him in unique ways during significant events, showcasing your recognition and regard for his presence in your life.
Craft a bespoke keepsake or token that encapsulates the essence of your connection, serving as a tangible emblem of your continuous journey toward healing. Through proactive inclusion and heartfelt appreciation for Tim’s role, you can reaffirm your affection and restore faith in the bond you share, fostering a renewed sense of closeness and trust with time.
Blending families presents its challenges. In a recent article, we recounted the experience of a woman grappling with her stepdad’s advances, leaving her feeling trapped.
To me it sounds like she has two narcissists in her life and she's beening asked to jump through hoops for them. She's the child in this relationship and love for her should be unconditional from both - not tied to a bunch of people pleasing behavior.
I hope her new partner treats her with the love and respect she deserves.
