My Father Behaved Awful, So I Decided to Teach Him a Lesson and Then He Refused Talk to Me

Dealing with someone who’s ungrateful is tricky, especially when that person is your own father, whom you love and respect. Still, it’s important for family members to address destructive behavior affecting the household. One internet user tackled this situation.

We know that, in similar situations, families usually choose to stay quiet. But instead, this young woman decided to take action to make her father understand that his behavior was hurting their family. This is what other users thought about it:

• You held up a mirror to his behavior, and he didn’t like what he saw. That’s on him. I hope he gets the message. © mimiuniverse / Reddit
• The sad part is how he dismissed it afterward, saying how he felt disrespected. He is consistently disrespecting his family and his wife, yet when called out on it, he says it’s hurtful. He is invalidating everyone else’s feelings, yet he feels he should have a right to express his. © knittnens / Reddit
• Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person”. And sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”. And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say: “If you won’t respect me, I won’t respect you” and they mean: “If you won’t treat me like an authority, I won’t treat you like a person”. And they think they’re being fair, but they aren’t, and it’s not okay. © MidnytStorme / Reddit
• I secretly filmed my dad once several years ago, Just some audio. Played it back, and dad didn’t realize it was him. He was listening to me until he heard himself say my name on the recording. It worked for a couple of years. © cassity282 / Reddit
• Tell your Dad that you’re sure he works hard and that’s not the point. The point is that he is treating his wife and his family with disrespect, and that it is affecting all of you. Nobody deserves to be treated like that and if he didn’t like what he saw, he should change his behaviour — like you expect him to, like his daughter. Tell him to think of the model he is representing for his kids, and point out that the younger kids recognized your parody right away, and that he owes the family an apology and to shape up. And how hard he works — you’re sure he works hard — is not in question here. His behavior towards his family is different, and he chooses how to behave. © Agreeable-Celery811 / Reddit

We did some research to see what professionals advise and how we can deal with people who don’t accept their wrongdoings:

• Admitting that one is wrong is extremely difficult: First, no one is exempt from making mistakes. A person can insist that they’re right, even when they’re not. Likewise, most of those who portray this behavior, also have a fragile ego. They believe that if they stand their ground and insist on being right, they can protect themselves from the consequences of their wrongdoings and even change their version of events to escape blame.
• Avoid repeating the fight: If the person does not accept responsibility for themselves, you need to change the approach or postpone the discussion about the problem. Insisting will only make them more defensive. Instead of making statements in the second person, it’s better to make them in the first person, for example: “I am embarrassed when we are with my parents and...” instead of: “You are rude to my parents.”
• Presenting the problem as a question: This can make the other person lower their guard and make them less defensive and more willing to listen to logic. Instead of posing a problem like “You’re being rude and disrespectful to Mom!” change it to “Don’t you think what you said to Mom is rude? How would you feel if it were the other way around?”
• Avoid getting nervous: It’s challenging to defend one’s views in the face of continual opposition. However, by showing that you can control your reactions, you are setting a good example for the other person, and they may follow suit.
• Set limits: When none of the above works, then it’s time to set limits. This means leaving the discussion until the other person is willing to have a calm and reasonable conversation.

Being a family isn’t easy. Tough situations can come up between husband and wife, parents and children, but what matters most is talking and understanding each other.