A mom refused to travel with her fiancé after he booked first-class tickets for himself and his own children, while relegating her kids to economy class. The decision sparked widespread debate on social media, with many applauding the mom for standing up for her children and demanding equal treatment.
So, my fiancé has 3 kids from his former marriage whilst I have 2, from my former marriage as well. I quit my job to start focusing on getting my degree. He’s become the “breadwinner” if you will, although I still contribute with my savings! I also do 80% of child care and chores.
Long story short, he wanted me and my kids to attend Thanksgiving with his family who are located across country, and we were supposed to go yesterday (ahead of time to get a rental place). He booked our tickets and everything but later, before the flight, I found out that he, his kids and myself were put in 1st class whilst my 2 kids (14) & (10) were put in economy.
I was stunned, he acted like it was a no big deal and told us it’s just a few hours and the kids could “just hang in there for a little while.” I asked how he could think this was acceptable, and he got mad and said he’s the one paying for tickets, and then we go by his rules.
I immediately turned around and took the kids and made my way out of the airport. He started following us, screaming at me to go back, but I refused and told him that I no longer felt like spending Thanksgiving with his folks after this. My youngest cried because she never flew without me.
He went with his kids. My kids and I are home. He has not stopped calling trying to berate me and even had his mom text that I needed to get over myself and stop teaching my kids to be spoiled and entitled. She said that the fact that I was “willing” to miss Thanksgiving with the family over something so trivial shows my real character and personality and mindset, or “lack thereof”.
I have not replied, but I feel horrible. Should I have just let it slide and just went?
People in the comments were on her side.
He needs to realize it’s not about first-class plane tickets, it’s about viewing your kids as lesser than his. This will be a common theme in your marriage if you go through with it. Queen_Aurelia / Reddit
First strike: Wrong for him to segregate your kids downward. Second strike: wrong for him to seat minor children away from a parent without that parent’s knowledge. Last strike: that he and his mother have teamed up against you. TrainingDearest / Reddit
Your fiancé seems to be missing the point: It’s not that you expected your kids to be in 1st class, but that once everyone else was in 1st class, it was not okay to put them in economy. My brother’s widow is remarried to someone who makes a lot of money. I can assure that he treats her kids exactly as how he treats his own. DemainTomorrow / Reddit
Either all kids fly one way or no dice. If you can afford first class for 4, you can afford first class for 6 or all fly economy if you don’t want kids to feel entitled. He has clearly shown where your kids rate to him, especially over his kids. Independent-Top3524 / Reddit
His kids in first class, your kids in economy? That’s a bad sign for the future. Then his response is to berate you and future MIL, calling your kids spoiled and entitled? Even worse. It would not have ended here. I would be done with that relationship. corgwin / Reddit
She put her children age but not his. They might be much younger for sit alone in economy. She quit her job to get her education and take care of the kids. Her choice. But if someone love you and you love them back, your kids are not your first priotity. Your priority is your partner. Your kids will be gone one in 4 years, another 7-8 years, in college what probably you both will pay for it. If you value each other when you have your kids, your relationship will last after your kids are gone. This is huge problem in America, kids are no#1 priority , job second and partners are last. No wonder every other marriage ending divorce after kids are out of the house. Wrong priorities , are you in relationship because you want kids and raise them with someone, or because you both fell in love???
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Reply
I’m currently getting myself and the kids packed so that we go stay with my mother. This has happened BEFORE in other instances, but I kept thinking to myself, “This is not right, but I have invested too much time and effort in this relationship, so maybe this shouldn’t get in the way.”
Distance and some re-evaluation is needed right now. My kids come first and that’s what I keep trying to do, and I hope I won’t ever fail.
Analysis of the situation
This incident highlights potential issues with power dynamics and financial control within the relationship. The fiancé’s assertion that his role as the “breadwinner” gives him the right to make unilateral decisions about family matters is concerning. It’s important to note that the mother had quit her job to pursue her degree and was still contributing from her savings, as well as handling 80% of childcare and household chores.
Blended family challenges
The situation underscores the complexities of blending families and the importance of treating all children equally. The fiancé’s decision to prioritize his own children’s comfort over that of his partner’s children could lead to long-term resentment and division within the family unit.
Communication and respect
The lack of communication and mutual respect demonstrated by the fiancé is a red flag for the relationship. Making significant decisions without consulting one’s partner, especially when it involves children, can erode trust and create lasting conflict.
The mother’s update
In a follow-up post, the mother revealed that she was packing to stay with her own mother for a while. She admitted that similar instances of unequal treatment had occurred before, but she had previously brushed them aside due to the time and effort invested in the relationship. However, this incident has prompted her to reassess the situation and prioritize her children’s well-being.
Lessons and takeaways
This story serves as a cautionary tale for blended families and highlights several important points:
Equal treatment of all children in a blended family is crucial for harmony and healthy relationships.
Open communication and mutual respect are essential in any partnership, especially when it involves children from previous relationships.
Financial contributions should not dictate decision-making power in family matters.
It’s never too late to recognize red flags in a relationship and take steps to protect oneself and one’s children.
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