I Refused to Attend My Best Friend’s Wedding Because of Her Outrageous Request

A young woman wrote to us, expressing her distress over a falling out with her best friend. The disagreement happened just before an important event: her friend was about to get married. The conflict arose specifically due to her friend’s conditions regarding the wedding.

We received an email from her.

Hi! It’s Cassie here. I’ve seen people send letters asking for advice before, so I decided to send mine this time. My best friend and I are fighting because of her wedding. Let me explain what’s happening.

Recently, I received an invitation to be the bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding. We’ve been friends since we were kids and, while I was excited to be part of their special day, my enthusiasm quickly started to fade as the costs started piling up.

It’s a destination wedding. So, there’s the airfare, the hotel, transportation, and food for the entire weekend. Then, of course, there’s the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, and the added costs like the bridesmaid dress, shoes, and makeup. All of that alone is a serious financial investment.

I knew weddings were expensive, but when my friend’s wedding registry suggested gifts starting at $600, I had to draw the line.

When did it become normal to expect guests to spend this much? It’s already a privilege and sacrifice to attend, especially when it’s far from home. In my case, by the time the wedding weekend is over, I’ll likely be out of pocket well over $1,500, and that’s before we even talk about the gift.

I had to make a decision about how much I’m willing to spend, and for my own financial health and peace of mind, I’m sticking to it. It’s hard, though. There’s definitely guilt involved in not meeting someone’s expectations, especially when it’s a close friend. But the reality is that I have bills to pay, future goals, and a budget that doesn’t allow for lavish spending on every wedding I attend.

So, I’ll still give a gift, but it won’t be $600. When I told my friend this, she called me insensitive and that if it was the reverse situation, she would spend whatever money to make me happy.

Do you think I made the right decision to stick to a cheaper present, or am I being a bad friend?

Here’s what our readers think about this situation.

• It’s way easier than that. Her response says that she’s maybe less friend than you think. I would politely decline all and enjoy a nice long vacation instead. © Beverly Green Lamptey / Facebook
• The idea of marriage is not the stuff you are getting but sharing your joy of your new life. If you are putting a price tag on that, then your marriage is doomed to fail! © Molly Griffith / Facebook
• A good friend wouldn’t expect a gift if you’re putting out a lot of money to attend and be in the wedding. I wouldn’t being in the wedding for Me would be gift enough from a good friend. Would have to be an extremely close friend or family to get to be in my wedding. In the first place...I won’t be going to a wedding. That had to spend 600 bucks. That’s more than I make in a week.. © Rae Taylor / Facebook

• She’ll get a gift I can afford and if she doesn’t like it, tough. Whatever happened to it’s the thought that counts? I would not go abroad for a wedding. What’s wrong with having a wedding where friends and family live and can attend? © Rachel Leah Amy Hele / Facebook
• It seems like your friend want to recoup their own expenses for her wedding. There shouldn’t be a price tag for gifts. © Rocky Dano / Facebook
• Of course, what your friend did is not acceptable. But I assume she comes from a wealthy family and doesn’t understand the value of money. I have acquaintances like that who genuinely don’t realize that $600 can be a lot of money for some people. Try talking to your friend. However, if she refuses to listen and make an effort to understand, then she’s not a true friend to you.© Lucy Hems / Facebook
• I would decline the entire wedding. The bride to ridiculously selfish and greedy. She is not your friend. Skip the day and save your money. © Erin Brennan / Facebook

And what would you do in the author’s situation?

Unfortunately, important events like weddings often exacerbate conflicts. Here’s a story about a bride who didn’t invite her mother to the wedding because she didn’t fit into her social circle.