I’m Beyond Hurt, My Husband Said He is «Grossed Out» by My Postpartum Body

One of our faithful readers sent us a heartbreaking letter, in which she told us how her husband body-shamed her after she had an emergency C-section. Instead of being supportive and thankful, he said that her scar on her stomach was repelling.

Your C-section scar is not ugly.

Dear Mary, thank you for reaching out to us and telling us your story. We are saddened to learn that your husband was so cruel to you, and that you are feeling devastated and angry. You have every right to feel this way. Your feelings are real and understandable.

Your C-section scar is not ugly. It is a sign of bravery, power, and love. You went through a major operation to give birth to your daughter, and that is something to be proud of. Your scar is a part of you, and it shows how you gave up your body and comfort for your child. It is a wonderful and strong symbol of motherhood.

Your husband’s comment on your scar was unfair and disrespectful.

Your husband’s reaction to your scar is not fair or respectful. He may have been honest, but he was also inconsiderate and shallow.

He should have thought about how his words would hurt you, and how they would damage your confidence and self-worth. He should have valued what you endured, and how difficult it was for you to heal from the C-section. He should have loved you for who you are, not for how you look.

You deserve an apology too.

We know that you love your husband and that you want to forgive him and not let this ruin your relationship. But you also deserve an apology, and a genuine effort from him to change his mindset and behavior. You deserve a partner who supports you, respects you, and adores you. You deserve a partner who sees your scar as a mark of your strength, not as a defect.

Here are some tips for how you can deal with this situation and talk to your husband:

• Talk to someone you trust, such as a friend, a family member, or a therapist. They can provide you emotional support, validation, and perspective. They can also help you to express your emotions and needs, and to plan your next steps.
• Talk to your husband, and tell him how his words affected you, and how they made you feel. Use “I” statements, such as “I felt shocked and hurt when you said my scar disgusts you,” or “I feel angry and betrayed that you don’t appreciate what I went through.” Avoid blaming or accusing him, such as “You are a jerk, and you don’t love me,” or “You are shallow and superficial.” Focus on your feelings, not on his character.
• Ask your husband to listen to you, and to empathize with you. Ask him to put himself in your position, and to imagine how he would feel if you said something negative about his body. Ask him to admit your pain, and to apologize sincerely.
• Ask him to tell you what he loves about you, and what he finds attractive about you. Ask your husband to work on his feelings and beliefs about your scar. He may have some false or biased ideas about C-sections, or some unrealistic expectations about women’s bodies. He may need to inform himself, or to rethink his own assumptions. He may need to seek professional help, such as a counselor or an intimacy therapist, if he has deeper issues that affect his attraction.
• Work on your own self-esteem and body image. You are more than your scar, and you are more than your appearance. You have many qualities and attributes that make you a wonderful person and a great mother. Remind yourself of your strengths, your achievements, and your values. Celebrate your body for what it can do, not for how it looks. Practice self-care, and do things that make you feel good and happy.
• Seek couples counseling, if you and your husband are having trouble communicating or resolving this problem. A professional therapist can help you to empathize with each other, to express your feelings and needs, and to find ways to improve your relationship. They can also help you to restore trust, respect, and intimacy.

We hope this helps, and we wish you all the best. Remember that you are not alone, and that you are not at fault. You are a powerful and beautiful woman, and you deserve to be loved and respected for who you are.

Mary’s story is tragic, but it’s not the final chapter. There is hope and healing for women who have been harmed by their partners or society for their postpartum bodies. And one woman demonstrated it. She took a daring step and shared her postpartum body with the world, and the feedback was incredible. Learn more in our next article.