My Boyfriend Suggested Me to Be Stay-At-Home Mom and My Reaction Offended Him

In today’s world, women can juggle many roles — being a mother, a businesswoman, and staying active in sports. For some, the idea of staying at home feels confusing. One woman shared how her boyfriend asked her to be a stay-at-home mom.

Here is her story and concerns.

I (23F) recently found out I’m pregnant with my (25M) boyfriend, Andrew’s child. We have been dating for three years and our relationship is pretty good. We both want children eventually, though we planned to have them later after we’re a bit more established in our careers. The pregnancy came as a surprise. Initially, we considered aborting or placing the baby for adoption but decided to keep it. I graduated college last year and have a job that pays okay money with the possibility of future promotions and raises. My boyfriend works as an electrician and also makes good money, so with both of our incomes we should be able to afford the baby.

A couple of days after we decided we were keeping our child, Andrew told me that he wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. He said that he believed that having an SAHM was better for the baby, that he was raised by an SAHM and loved it, and he wanted to give our child that same life. He said that he had been talking with his boss, who agreed to give him a raise. And he said with that raise plus working occasional overtime he would be able to afford to pay our rent, bills, groceries, and the costs for our baby. He also said he would marry me, so I would have extra security.

I admit I burst out laughing when he suggested this. It’s just insane to me. Sure, we might be able to afford me being a SAHM, but it would require budgeting every penny he made. I also just graduated — does he think I went to college for four years just to be a SAHM and spend my days doing his laundry and cooking his meals? Also, what if he gets sick or dies? Also, I’m the first person in my entire family to earn my degree. My parents were immigrants and both had elementary school level education. I’m very proud of my education and career — this is something he knows as I’ve told him, so I’m surprised he would ever suggest this.

I could tell he was upset and hurt by my reaction, but he accepted my decision without arguing. I was talking about this to one of my friends, and she told me that it was mean of me to laugh. Andrew was offering to care for me and my baby, and I responded by mocking him. I didn’t mean it to come that way, just that his suggestion to me anyway was so insane and stupid that I couldn’t help it. Was I wrong?

People in comments showed their understanding.

• He never said his mom loved it, he said HE loved it. His mom may have hated every second of it, but just hid it well in front of him. In this equation, he never took into account his mother’s happiness or OP’s happiness. It’s worrisome that he didn’t even bother to run it past OP, instead he told his boss first. He might mean well, but he’s totally ignored that OP is a person herself with thoughts, feelings, and goals. © idkwhatimdoing25 / Reddit
• In addition to this, I wonder if he had a father or if his mom was single? He doesn’t mention him, and other comments are saying how little time their fathers spent at home because of how much they needed to work overtime to provide for their families instead of spending time at home and having mom working also. Does OP’s boyfriend plans to be involved with his child? © Dangerous-Editor9508 / Reddit

• Completely agree, this is a huge crossroad for their relationship. They both want very different things, and after a surprise conversation like this (especially the lengths he went to secure things without even talking to her first) I’d be very concerned. © RedApplesForBreak / Reddit
• Not even husband... boyfriend. The burn-out is insane but if you aren’t married, and he decides to leave OP is 100% screwed, she’s entitled to nothing outside of child support. No one should be a SAHP in an unmarried situation. © Specific_Culture_591 / Reddit

Being a stay-at-home mom can be really exhausting. Everyone has their own way of being a parent and raising their kids. There is no single right way, and each family finds what works best for them.