I Didn’t Attend My Best Friend’s Wedding Because of Her Unusual Request

8 months ago

People often talk about how real friendships should be all about unconditional support. But is it really okay to keep up with others’ demands when it means sacrificing our own desires? Occasionally, differing opinions can lead us to be unfairly judged and cast as the villains in a situation. This is exactly what unfolded for the woman in this story, although how you see it all depends on your perspective.

Everything turned upside down when I had my first kid. Being a mom changed my lifestyle. We couldn’t just chill together 24/7 or have those all-night parties because, you know, I had this whole new set of responsibilities. Even going on a trip at the drop of a hat was a no-go, thanks to my little guy’s kindergarten schedule. And Sara wasn’t really on board with all that.

It felt like she couldn’t quite get where I was coming from as a new mom. I still cared about her loads and wanted to hang, but my son? He’s the top priority now, hands down.

However, she didn’t really agree with my personal choices. She kept criticizing me, saying I’d become a “boring and neglectful” stay-at-home mom who was only focused on my husband and son. Her constant negativity and lack of understanding pushed us apart. We did meet occasionally, but things didn’t feel like they used to. Despite that, when we did spend time together, it was like the good old days.

I immediately replied to her text, saying, “Sara, my friend, I’m really sorry about this whole situation, but I won’t be able to make it to your wedding.” My words hit her like a bombshell, especially since I was her maid of honor. Initially, Sara asked me why and even if I was kidding. I clarified that the invitation specified no kids were allowed, and if my little ones weren’t welcome, then neither was I.

She started hurling insults and saying some pretty nasty stuff. Her words were really painful and just in bad taste. I told her not to take it personally and tried to explain that if she couldn’t accept my children, it felt like she couldn’t accept me either.

The last words she said to me were: “I think you should respect my decision not to have kids at my wedding, it’s my special day, and I’m going to do what I want. Besides, it’s not a big deal and shouldn’t be a problem. Weddings are unsuitable for kids, and I don’t want to see them running around. This relationship is pointless if you don’t want to be a part of it. You’re not right in the head and should seek help.”

What are the pros and cons of bringing children to weddings?

Some advantages:

  • You are including all family members: Weddings are often about bringing families together to celebrate the union of two people. Including children in the event reinforces the sense of togetherness and showcases the importance of family bonds. Children get to witness firsthand the joy and love that surround the couple on their special day.
  • Guests won’t have to worry about finding childcare: Being a parent is hard work, and sometimes leaving your child, even overnight, comes with guilt or constant worry about whether they’ll be okay with the babysitter. Finding reliable childcare can be difficult, and allowing guests to bring their children will avoid the stress that comes with it. They’ll be able to take a deep breath and enjoy the evening knowing their child is safe with them.
  • Unexpected funny moments: Children have an uncanny ability to infuse any event with their genuine enthusiasm and unadulterated joy. Their innocent laughter and playful presence can lighten the atmosphere, making the day even more memorable for everyone in attendance.

Certain couples choose to have a wedding without children for a variety of reasons, including:

  • More adult atmosphere: Some couples prefer to create a more formal atmosphere for their wedding. This may include music, activities, or themes inappropriate for young children.
  • Space limitations: Venue size and capacity can play a role in the decision to exclude children. Smaller venues may not have enough space to comfortably accommodate both adults and children.
  • Budgetary considerations: Weddings can be expensive, and inviting additional guests (children included) can significantly impact the budget. Some couples may opt for a smaller guest list to manage costs.
  • Travel and Accommodation: Destination weddings or weddings requiring extensive travel might not be practical for families with children due to the challenges of transportation, time zone adjustments, and childcare arrangements.
  • Bride and groom’s decision: While some may be disappointed or upset about not being able to bring their children to a wedding, it is important to remember that it is the bride and groom’s decision. Respecting their choice and enjoying the celebration is the best way to show consideration and understanding for them.
  • Focus on Photography: Some couples might want to ensure that professional photographers can capture the event without having to navigate the challenges of photographing active and unpredictable children.

Whether it’s considered rude to not allow parents to bring their children to a wedding can depend on various factors.

Deciding whether to let kids come to a wedding is all up to the couple getting hitched. Some couples want a grown-up vibe and go for a no-kids rule, while others are all for having little ones around to join the party.

It’s super important to respect what the couple wants for their big day. If the invite says it’s just for adults, it’s cool to stick to that and not bring the kiddos unless you get the green light. And if the invite doesn’t say anything about kids, it’s totally fine to shoot a quick question to the couple to check if it’s kid-friendly.

Remember, the wedding is their gig to plan. As a guest, you’re all about going with their flow and having a blast based on the rules they’ve set.

Stuff like that happens all the time, usually within families. Like this one mother who wouldn’t help her daughter in a super urgent moment.

Preview photo credit Liza Summer / Pexels


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